bachelor commentary 5

so happy with the outcome!

finale commentary!! it's really long you guys, but just bear with us. 

brought to you by myself,  kelsey, megan, brianna, zoë, and kelsey's mom.

+Okay. We are Team Jef over here.

+ “I’m so confused! Two awesome guys love me and I just can’t choose which one is better! Oh, and I’m rich and beautiful! My life is so hard!”

+ Okay, whoa.

+ “Oh man, they are going to do a whole video montage from day 1 and I am just so excited.” ~Kelsey

+Caracao. I want to go to there.

+ Ah, Ricki finally gets to meet them? Jef is going to be perfect with her!

+I feel like her mom is going to be scary.

+He brought flowers for her mom! Well played, buddy.

+And her sister-in-law!

+Her brother’s name is legitimately Ernie.

+“Oh, so they’re those kind of parents.” ~Brianna

+ Her mom has a really strange voice. Long-time smoker?

+So that’s where the Botox comes from! It runs in the family.

+Momma Suzy has less wrinkles than we do!

+The Botox combined with the smoker voice is just scaring me hardcore right now.

+I love that Jef isn’t nervous or anything. He’s really confident about how much he loves her.

+How do they turn Ernie into a nickname? Do you think they call him Ern?

+Gorilla Ern.

+How come half the people on this show get assigned an animal?

+Gorilla Ern makes Jef look like a baby.

+Cue the mood music.

+Jef and Gorilla Ern shared a man-hug. It’s official.

+Jef says the perfect thing to everyone, and I’m 99% sure he’s totally genuine.

+How am I only just now noticing that Jef has baby ears?

+Preview: I’ve never watched Bachelor Pad, but I’m pretty sure it would make me feel really good about my life.

+So…Arie’s wearing pajama pants to meet the family?

+ “Arie gets girlier and girlier every time he talks.” ~Kelsey

+Nice cape, Momma Suzy.

+ This is awkward.

+So awkward.

+Do you think sister-in-law is a mute?

+Arie’s box thing is sweet but….who is it for?

+Momma Suzy can make a nice little potpourri with it when Jef wins.

+Jef made Gorilla Ern like him. I don’t think Arie can do that.

+ “Her brother is kind of cute!” ~Kelsey.

+No.

+Arie has such great hair.

+ How did Emily’s dad end up with Emily’s mom? Because they do not look….yeah.

+Do Arie and Emily ever talk to each other? Because their lips are always otherwise occupied.

+Sister-in-law speaks!

+Her dad is really dressed down for this little get-together.

+Okay, we were talking about the hometown dates and I’m realizing….I think if I had met Jef’s family, I would have picked him on the spot, just because of the amount of babies present.

+How many of the audience members do we think are there just to score a date with new divorcee Chris Harrison?

+ I want him to meet Ricki! He would be perfect with her!

+That one Jef hair…..blowing in the wind….

+I’m glad their having this little argument. Because it’s real, and they are handling it.

+Yay! Jef talked some sense into her! And he handled it so calmly.

+The hair. Still there.

+ “They had that whole beach to themselves. And they sat on that blanket. The entire time.” ~Kelsey

+What a waste of a private beach.

+  I bet she got that skirt from the same place Dr. Spencer got her Ursula pants.

+ Chambray with neon green. Um…okay?

+They’re peering through the blinds at Ricki. Is she a zoo animal?

+“This is my friend, Jef.”

+Classic.

+Jef rocks those goggles.

+ That’s how you win a little girl’s trust. Let her push you off a bridge.

+ But seriously. That would do it for me.

+ Jef loves her!

+I love Ricki’s little giggle.

+  I think someone painted them all orange.

+I want a Cheeto cabinet.

+ It could have the the puffy and the crunchy kind.

+Oh my gosh, you guys. Cheeto cabinet.

+“Everything all changed.” ~Emily

+“Me too.” ~Jef

+Appropriate response or….?

+ YOU TOO! TAKE LUCK!

+She just called him Honey.

+ So they’re basically married.

+ His present is so adorable! He’s just a goof!

+ “I love it! I’ll keep it forever! Unless I pick Arie, then I won’t keep it forever.”

+I’m convinced that no one in this show actually eats.

+ “Don’t do too much thinking.” Good advice.

+ Do you think they’re given a certain pace they have to keep while walking away from each other? I can just picture her counting in her head to make sure she stays on track.

+Iguanas are perfect for transitions.

+Chris Harrison at her door

+WHAT.

+She’s gonna call it right here.

+She’s not even going to go on a date with Arie.

+ Okay, maybe not.

+Chris Harrison is just so…..I guess I just really think he would get along well with Nicholas Sparks.

+Okay, maybe she is.

+AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

+She is done!!!!!!!

+She picked Jef.

+SHE PICKED JEF.

+Does this mean that she lives in Utah right now?

+Because…someone is going to have to restrain me from stalking.

+I mean, I would never….

+ “Oh my goodness, I am so at peace right now.” ~Bri

+Kelsey is imitating Emily’s crying.

+Dear John him. Just drop it off at the door.

+ “She has a boob on her back.” ~Kelsey’s mom

+Mic pack….

+They’re going to have such cute babies!

+Why are the producers letting this happen?

+Emily, just end it!

+We just rewound to watch Arie’s walk.

+ He walks like a girl.

+If Kelsey were on this show she thinks she would be the loser making the love potion at the end, while the guy already picked someone else.

+So….did she just leave the island or….?

+ “She just rolls down the window and is like, ‘No date for you!’” ~Megan

+This is awkward.

+Em, just end it!

+Zoë just had to migrate to share Kelsey’s chair for comfort during this tragedy.

+“You know…” YOU KNOW WHY!

+Oh, li’l buddy! L

+Jef just came out of nowhere and dominated this show.

+Let’s be honest, he basically dominated the world.

+You guys, I follow him on Instagram. So it’s that big of a deal.

+When they hugged we could hear his heartbeat in her mic pack.

+He looks really good right now.

+“Something about a man getting his heart broken just makes him really hot….” ~Kelsey

+ On the upside...Arie is back in Scottsdale!

+I promise I am not a real-live stalker.

+He is crying and he still looks good.

+ “He retains his manliness while crying.” ~Bri

+Which his weird, because he walks like a girl…

+ I really wish Emily had just jumped in that swampy reflection pool.

+Mournful silence in the studio audience.

+“Clearly, deeply affected.” ~Chris Harrison

+So not only is this a tragedy, but you just used two adverbs in a row.

+You should really get control of yourself, Chris.

+Ashley and JP! We applauded.

+JP is so….perfect.

+Baldies are sexy. If that baldy is JP.

+He looks a little like Joseph Gordon-Leavitt, and I think that’s probably the reason why he is amazing.

+Ashley S., you just said “bestie” on national television, so you should probably re-evaluate your life.

+Ricki is wearing a fanny pack. Coolest 6-year old ever.

+Video montage.

+ Jef in that skinny tie and suit…..dah.

+He doesn’t even know that Arie’s not there!

+“HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW!” ~Kelsey, squealing.

+ Like, seriously high-pitched squealing.

+He’s going to be so happy!

+Blue pants.

+“He’s fabulous.” ~Zoë

+“Spoiler alert, Jef! It’s you!” ~Kelsey

+ I don’t even want to know how much that dress cost.

+And let’s not pretend like she did her own makeup.

+“You guys, they’re going to be in love forever!” ~Kelsey

+The word dapper was just thrown out in relation to Jef’s outfit.

+“Guys! They’ve never slept together!” ~Zoë, so excitedly.

+They dressed her in a dress the exact same color as the background pottery.

+ Debonair is the word for Jef.

+ “Your shoes make that noise, and I love it.” ~Kelsey

+“Jef, you would be a great ward clerk.” ~Also Kelsey

+15 times? That’s 12 more relationships.

+Slight exaggerations.

+We love that he just stopped and fixed his suit before going to see her.

+Get down, boy, go head get down!

+On one knee.

+You guys! They’re going to be in love forever!

+ I’m trying to keep it real so I’m just going to say it….I am straight up teary right now.

+ I am ridiculous.

+He is so good at talking.

+“NO! It’s so adorable!” ~Kelsey

+Long pause…..

+YES!

+“They’re going to be a family! My heart is happy!” ~Kelsey

+That is a good kiss.

+ A really good kiss.

+Video montage!

+80’s rock ballad in the background. Love it.

+Jef in a kilt. Made the montage.

+Kelsey’s mom is singing along to this song.

+That ring is straight up Mrs. Hoodin status.

+“Keep video montaging!” ~Kelsey

+All three of them holding hands. YOU GUYS. This is just too much.

okay, after the rose isn't happening guys. too long. too tired.

hope you enjoyed reading this eternity-long commentary! 

and craft week starts tomorrow!

bachelorette commentary 4

bachelorette episode: men tell-all. 

brought to you by kelsey, lu, breck, kelsey's mom, and myself. 

+i’m fairly certain this is going to be boring, so this commentary will probably be short.

+Oh, unless Sloth kills someone! Cause I could legitimately see that happening.

+Who are half of these guys??

+Again. Kalon is not a guy’s name. It’s worse than Wolf.

+Leprechaun guy. For all his weirdness…I kind of like him? He’s funny.

+I would tell you who Leprechaun guy is but….well I don’t know his real name. He was the one who wore the green shirt the first night. Which branded him as Leprechaun guy for the rest of the show.

+Why does Kalon dress like a grandpa?

+I feel like Chris Harrison just really thrives in situations like these.

+How sure are we that Ryan’s beard is not tattooed on? Because the lines are so….sharp.

+SEAN!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!

+Love the audience reaction to Kalon being on Bachelor Pad. So openly disgusted.

+I’m surprised more people aren’t hating on Ryan.

+Oh, we liked Ryan’s entrance! I was trying to remember who wrote that cute note thing.

+Oh that stupid, ridiculously long letter. With Tony there. Guys, that was bad.

+THE TANK TOP.

+You guys, the tank top.

+I just…..can’t.

+Okay, I don’t hate Ryan. I thought I hated Ryan.

+Except…did he just say “Alpha Male”?

+Sloth needs to be put in a cage.

+Okay, so Ryan is arrogant, but he knows what he wants, and he is passionate about it. He is not that bad. For the right person.

+Sloth should not be allowed to wink at the camera.

+Also, does he have a Mexi-stache?

+Sloth is so awful, I just don’t even think he deserves a portion of this tell-all.

+His face while watching this replay. He is straight-up going to murder someone.

+Wait. Sloth is only like 5 years older than us. That’s weird.

+Kalon, Sloth, and Tony all on Bachelor Pad? I don’t know if I am okay with watching this now…

+When Chris Harrison just called him Chris, I literally didn’t know who he was talking to. His name is Sloth.

+Oh no! We are still mourning Sean. L

+“I am literally melting right now.” ~Kelsey

+Sean is so great! He deserves the perfect wife.

+Barbie Emily in all these interviews.

+Aw, buddy! Don’t cry! You are breaking our hearts.

+Emily and Sean would have made such beautiful babies.

+“Kelsey, are you crying?” “No, not yet.”

+I’m glad she’s accepted that it will probably happen eventually.

+“I’m not positive that he’s not wearing lip gloss right now.” ~Kelsey

+Okay, for reals. His lips are perfect.

+Can we just recognize how much better Sean handles this than Sloth? No thoughts of murder.

+PLEASE let Sean be the next Bachelor. We would totally die over that season.

+Oh no, Emily’s coming? Sloth might kill her.

+Emily looks different. Is it the straight hair, or did she get more Botox?

+Sean is so great.

+Do I need to reiterate that again?

+Because I don’t think I’ve said it enough.

+Sean is so great.

+Sloth. Cage. Now.

+"Hey Sean, could I just borrow your speech and copy it completely?” ~Sloth

+Plagiarism is a real problem, Slothy.

+Doug. Such a trooper.

+Emily! We love you. You are still bashing on Kalon, and we love you.

+I love that she is Twitter stalking him and using it against him.

+Like, I really want to do that to someone, but I just don’t have any real enemies.

+I wonder if Emily’s little speeches are scripted or if she’s really that witty.

+Bloopers. This is great.

+Alessandro! How’s your cousin doing?

+Welp. Screw Mitch’s last Sunday movie night. Bachelorette finale is happening.

+Arie. Skinny tie. Well played, my friend.

+#SLOWMOCAROUSELKISS

+Kelsey’s mom just made a connection between Arie and Branson Kitterman so…..yeah.

+Face grab Arie.

+Oh gosh. I love Jef.

+I love that they are awkward together. Because….I am awkward. If they can make it work, there is hope for me.

+You guys, I am totally about to cry as Jef reads this letter to her.

+I never thought my life would come to this.

+YOU ARE MEANT TO BE!!!

+“I just want to hold her hand till I’m like, 110.”

+YOU GUYS.

+ALL CAPS ARE NOT EVEN ENOUGH RIGHT NOW.


okay, i've calmed down. comment with your thoughts from the episode!

bachelorette commentary 3

bachelorette: week bikinis and helicopters

i don't think we were very funny tonight, you guys. i watched it right after taking a nap, and i kind of feel like i was sedated or something. i was just in a weird mood.

but anyways, tonight's bach commentary is brought to you by me, kelsey, lu, breckyn, and zoe. enjoy!

Intro:

+Right off the bat we think it’s going to be Jef for the win.

+Breckyn thinks Sean has the best butt. I missed how that came up but…does it really matter?

+Nope. You didn’t really like Arie’s family.

+I like how young she and Jef are together. He makes her seem her age, and not a lot older.

+Lu and I are getting goosebumps over Jef’s letter recap.

+Guys, I want him.

+Remember how Arie was Belle that one time?

+Really? You call him ‘Sweet Arie’?

+Emily is crying over Arie right now.

+Like, this is happening.

+Okay, before her Arie recap, I thought he was going home. Now I’m thinking it’s going to be Sean.

+UNLESS. What if she’s crying because she’s sending him home? This is a plausible idea.

+We’re super glad Chris Serial Killer Sloth is gone, but I do kind of miss making fun of him. We like the last 3 too much to make fun of them.

Sean’s Date:

+Sean is color blocking with that coral and royal blue right now.

+Is he wearing TOMS?

+This show finally looks like the Bachelorette. Helicopters and bikinis.

+That’s the ugliest private island we’ve ever seen.

+“Just me, you, and the camera man!” ~Emily

+ “Oh, we actually came to this private island so that I can drill you about every single detail from your past dating life. Fun, right?!” ~Emily again

+She’s upset that he hasn’t said the L word.

+I feel like this date is just getting super awkward.

+Okay, then he took his shirt off. Awkward doesn’t matter anymore.

+I’m pretty sure making out is not the same thing as snorkeling…

+“Wait, Zoe, you’ve never been on a ‘snorkeling’ date? I mean, it’s kind of the same thing. Both activities make it hard to breathe….” ~Kelsey

+He looks good in white.

+You shouldn’t have to pry the words “I love you,” out of someone.

+I feel like Sean and Emily’s relationship is really struggling to move past the kissing –and-feeling-his-muscles stage.

+Sean felt left out because he’s the only one who hadn’t written a letter yet.

+“Do they all have to write stuff down all the time? Why can’t they just talk?” ~Lu

+I think they both went tanning for the exact same amount of time. Their oranges match.

+Why do they always have to give this huge speech before saying I love you? Just say it!

+She’s not listening to any of this, because he hasn’t just said it.

+You’d think with all this practice kissing, she wouldn’t be so awkward about it all.

+Kelsey has the fantasy suite card memorized…

+Zoe just threw out the word “fornication”.

+This is going to get weird, guys. Our brains are not filtering comments that should and should not be said.

+You have been warned.

+Nice boob job, Em.

+They would have perfectly orange Oompa Loompa babies together.

+Way to go, Emily! Fantasy suite date is not necessary to know how you feel about someone!

+“He’s gonna run back.” ~Lu

+It would be classic Sean form. Bahaha.

+Sean’s a good guy.

+I am not typing SO much of what is being said over here, y’all.

+Filtering.

Jef’s Date

+Jef has short swim shorts.

+And somehow, I’m okay with this.

+Windy day + Jef’s hair= DANGER ZONE.

+Jef is not orange. Just another reason why he is superior.

+I feel really strangely about her weird braided ponytail thing.

+Alfalfa hair in Jef’s interview.

+A “masterpiece” is being painted in their relationship. I don’t even care about his clichés. I just love him.

+An orange shirt on Emily is the equivalent of a nude shirt on a normally colored person.

+Do you think Jef was singing Italian opera music while rowing that gondola-like thing?

+“Let’s just make out for the entire date!” ~E & J

+I like that Jef is asking her questions, and not the other way around. He’s totally real about all this.

+We’re surprised that she’d be okay with moving wherever.

+And I’m not really sure if she’s actually okay with that.

+“You are an amazing girl.” ~Jef

+“And this has truly been the most amazing episode!” ~Kelsey’s dad, in passing.

+Fun fact: Amazing is one of my favorite adjectives.

+And they’re just going to say ‘amazing’ ten thousand times in these five minutes so....great.

+Emily is the awkward kisser. For sure.

+“It’s cause she can’t feel her lips, cause they’re fake!” ~Breckyn

+She is SO set on Jef winning.

+These guys are all so great and respectful! Holy crap.

+Applause and goosebumps after his “fantasy suite” speech.

+You are being classy, Emily! You are being super classy!

+Okay, I just got goosebumps over them holding hands. What is wrong with me?

+“I just want them to like…play. And tickle.” ~Lu.

+Pause.

+WHAT?!

+Jef just quoted scriptures. And not even the Bible. Jef just quoted ALMA.

+“Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness.” Alma 38:12

+You guys. That just happened.

Arie’s Date:
+Oh man, Arie is so going home.
+Holy crap, they are just going at it!
+“You can’t see him with your eyes closed the whole time!” ~Breckyn
+“Wow, this is going to be super awkward when she breaks up with you at the end of this episode….” ~Kelsey
+Okay, they are just kissing an insane amount. And then talking about how much they are kissing.
+5 hours, Mickey.
+Okay sorry, that was an inside joke. McCall isn’t here, so I had to type it.
+Arie needs some de-shine action.
+I don’t think Arie and Emily’s lifestyles fit together.
+Also, has her hair ever been straight before? Like, ever?
+Emily and Arie’s relationship peeked on their second date. And now it has fizzled.
+“He is SO sweaty.” ~Kelsey
+I’m bored with this talk, because I know he is going home.
+Blah, blah, blah.
+Holy dress slit, Batman!
+Okay, Emily is seriously impressive right now.
+Like, super classy.

Girl Talk with Chris Harrison:
+Em! What are you doing with this awkward fake ponytail thing again? You should only make these kinds of mistakes once!
+So many necklaces, tank top, fake ponytail, and mermaid skirt. It’s a really good thing you’re hot, Emily, because this is just not working right now.
+Nude lipstick is good though.
+Or is it orange…?
+I’m not feeling the girl talk tonight, because I’m so thoroughly convinced that she’s sending Arie home.
+Do you think we can get a petition going around for Chris Harrison to be the next bachelor? And have a gay guy host the girl talk?
+More blahs.
+Kelsey is about to cry?
+“I am SO emotionally invested in this season right now.” ~Kelsey
+That is a good color on Sean.
+Wait, I’ve said that multiple times tonight…
+Rose ceremony is not the time for TOMS, Sean.
+Jef looks good. And he is good with words.
+They will watch “a thousand” sunsets together.
+“A thousand is only a little over 2 years. So…” ~Kelsey
+Is Arie kind of a girl right now, or is that just me?
+She’s easily sending Arie home. She couldn’t even look at the screen.
+And he said nothing about Ricki.
+“Just as well as anyone.” Grammar matters, Em.
+She seriously has 3 solid guys right now. Bummer.

Commercial Break:
+Slothman is going to be on Bachelor Pad!!!
+MWAHAHA.
+The jokes will continue.

Rose Ceremony:
+It’s a good thing she’s sending Arie home, cause if she lived in Scottsdale, we would really have to restrain Lu from stalking her.
+Sean is really struggling in this outfit right now. I didn’t know this was possible.
+For some reason, we really love to argue about the order in which she gives out the rose.
+Breckyn and I were right. Jef gets the first rose! Because it’s SO obvious that she loves him.
+Lu and Kelsey just arm wrestled to see if it were Sean or Arie going home.
+Arie.
+WHAT?! Sean?!
+Are you kidding?
+Guys, I was way too confident in the fact that Arie was going home.
+Now this commentary looks ridiculous.
+Kelsey is legitimately crying right now. And there aren’t even strobe lights going.
+Sorry, another inside joke.
+I’m in a weird mood.
+Do you think it was because of those blue suede pants?
+Or the color orange?
+Dah! Cropped pants and navy TOMS.
+Like, it’s just really hard for me right now, you guys.
+“Break Charley’s heart, shame on Charley. Break Sean’s heart, shame on you, Emily.” ~Kelsey
+Sean would have been a good dad. Bummer, dude.
+Kelsey is actually kind of scary right now.
+Like, I’m afraid to talk, for fear of saying something to upset her…
+“Sean is going to be the newest Avenger. And then kill everyone.” ~Kelsey
+Men tell all!
+Yes! Cry baby Tony!
+And the weird Alessandro guy!
+And douchebag Ryan!
+Guys, this is happening, and I could not be happier.

i take back everything i said about jef winning. i obviously suck at predicting this crap, and i don't want to jinx it.

bachelorette commentary 2

Tonight's commentary is brought to you by me, Lauren, McCall, Zoe, Megan, Kelsey, and Kelsey's mom. Enjoy.

+ HOMETOWNS!!

+Wait. Arie is from Scottsdale. THEY WERE IN ARIZONA.

+Jef’s family is screaming “Mormon!”

+A skull on her shirt? Why does the world think that skulls are an okay clothing decoration? I mean….are you a pirate or….?

+ In her interviews she looks like a Barbie. Why does she always look like a Barbie?

+The bobblehead. We forgot about the bobblehead.

+Jef looks great as long as his hair never sees the wind.

+We feel like the majority of Sean and Emily’s relationship is based on her feeling his muscles.

+Wait. We thought Arie was the awkward kisser, but maybe it’s her?

+Rewind. It could definitely be her.

+OH MY GOSH, SHE’S THE AWKWARD KISSER!!!

+Okay, proceed with the actual dates.

Chris:+I really hope that Chris’ family turn out to be real live sloths.

+“Boo!”

+“Well…that was weird.” ~Kelsey

+“She won’t look at him!” “Well he looks like a sloth!”

+Red flair pants? Was that really the best choice, Em?

+Polish sloths? Sounds legit.

+Her and Sloth are super awkward together. And we’re not sure why she is still considering him.

+Oh yeah, cause he was a crybaby and she felt guilty.

+Okay, can we just take a moment to talk about Emily’s outfit? High school teacher on top, disco dancer on bottom. “Both weird, because she’s neither of those things.” ~Kelsey

+His dad is creepy. It’s all starting to make sense.

+Of course, she only has that one facial expression anyways, so maybe she could fit in the family.

+He calls home every day? At 25 and a man?

+“You’re his dad.” Very good, Em.

+I’m pretty sure Sloth Daddy is in the Polish mafia. If that’s even a thing.

+“Wait, did he just say ‘hot mess’?” ~Megan

+Gee, good thing she translated that one.

+His sister is named Renee. I can’t hear that name without thinking of the 2nd Sherlock Holmes movie.

+What did Sloth Daddy just do?!

+She is NOT falling in love with him! You sit on a throne of lies!

+Emily’s not coming up with anything original, just saying ‘yeah’ to everything he says.

+She is really not enjoying this kiss.

+“It’s like she’s doing chores.” ~McCall

+"Wait, what?" ~Me, in reference to McCall's comment

+“Let’s take the one unique thing about our family and just go overboard with it so we look cool on TV!” ~All the families during hometowns

Jef:

+Why is he just walking through the desert of southern Utah?

+Because he CAN.

+Wow, Em. Come dressed immodestly to a Mormon family hometown?

+Uninformed.

+“I hope her dress just gets super dirty.” ~Kelsey

+We like that Jef jokes around with her. The others are just too careful.

+“Is there a kick?”

+Please fall over.

+The camera man hit the target.

+Okay wait, why does she know so much about guns?

+I mean, who needs a couch when you have a blanket and some bales of hay?

+Charity work? Dude. The entire world knows you are Mormon. Give it up.

+Jef is the greatest thing ever.

+SO MORMON.

+So many babies!

+Okay, forget Jef. I want that baby.

+Lemonade! Bahaha. No alcohol on this date.

+Like, do they know how to go on a date without alcohol?

+We’re guessing that the older brother is Young Men’s president.

+“Situations like this can put you in love but…” “But what is the Spirit telling you?”

+“His sister looks familiar.” ~Kelsey

+“Maybe she was your EFY counselor!” ~McCall

+The kids in the background.

+It’s sacrament meeting in a home ward.

+If Emily wants as many kids as she keeps talking about, she would fit in this family.

+Baby noise!!!!

+Oh my gosh, babies everywhere. I just….I can’t even.

+Having a family with Emily would be “so awesome.”

+YOU GUYS. Kill me now. I love him.

+What is she doing? Cause that dance is weird.

+He is melting my heart.

+And her heart too.

+Like, she is seriously dying inside as he reads this letter.

+We’re ALL squealing. The goosebumps are back.

+Why does she have to go on any other hometowns? Just marry Jef now!!!

Arie:

+Okay, what is Scottsdale’s theme gonna be? Since Southern Utah took the whole desert thing.

+Oh yeah, racecars.

+“You guys, she was on our freeways!!! What freeway was she on?!” ~Zoe

+Em, why are you so bad at picking meet-the-parents outfits?

+Like, there’s water in Arizona? Come on, don’t deceive the viewers.

+Wait, he’s European? Since when?

+Let’s get totally wasted at noon before we go meet your parents!! ~Emily

+Lauren realized strangely early on that they were in Fountain Hills.

+How did this random Dutch family end up in Fountain Hills?

+Identical twin Zac Efron brothers.

+Speaking Dutch in front of her about her?

+“He has a tat, and he speaks Dutch. That’s hot.” ~Zoe

+“Do you want to have a chat with me?” ~Arie’s mom

+“Is it gonna be in English?” ~All of us.

+Why is Dutch Mom asking her about Brad’s season?

+I feel like you should never address the fact that you’re actually on TV. It’s like waving to the cameraman while filming.

+Lies! Jef makes you laugh more than Arie.

+I can’t see her with Arie’s family. It just feels like a weird fit.

+Why are all these dads scary?

+Do you think that Dutch Dad and Polish Dad are mafia friends?

+“If she doesn’t pick him, Arie is going to stalk her.” ~Kelsey

+“No, that’s gonna be Sloth.” ~Zoe

Sean:

+What the dress slit, Em?

+“Let’s stay outside and live in trees and play with animals and wear flower clothing, because I’m a country girl!!” ~Emily

+Whoa there. He just threw out the “e” word. Eternity.

+“AH!!! He just stuck his tongue out of his mouth like a frog!!” ~Zoe

+That is SO awkward to watch.

+We are really glad that we don’t watch each other kiss people.

+“He matches what is going on behind him.” ~Kelsey

+MORE BABIES!!!!

+He is the most adorable uncle!

+“I wish I had an Uncle Sean!” ~Kelsey

+Oh my gosh. I want to be that little girl. I want that little house.

+Wait, is the living-at-home thing really an issue? Cause I feel like it is not that big of a deal.

+Okay…..what? Why on EARTH would you leave your room looking like this?

+He has to be joking. HE HAS TO BE JOKING.

+We had to pause for reactions.

+We are SO weirded out right now.

+It was a joke.

+That was not a funny joke.

+“That had to have been a joke. That mess was too perfect.” ~Lauren

+Enily, you did not think it was funny.

+I think that was weirder because I don’t think they have ever joked about anything together before.

+“They don’t have a fence around the pool!” ~random fact noticed by Kelsey’s mom

+This dad isn’t creepy!

+“But….is that really Sean’s dad???” ~Kelsey

+“Big Sean. Cute little elf Dad.” ~Zoe

+Cute dad. We like his dad.

+Oh my gosh, he’s adorable!

+Audible “aw-ing” over Sean’s dad.

+“How sure are we that they’re not Mormon?” ~Kelsey

+G check. Not Mormon.

+“His tongue is up in her business ALL THE TIME!” ~Zoe

+“Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be….” ~McCall

+“If the day comes when I don’t have to say goodbye…”

+Okay, that was cute.

Girl Talk With Chris Harrison:

+You don’t know what to do?

+Um….Sloth?? Ring a bell?

+No, it doesn’t. Because you don’t like him.

+Hometown review: Remember Jef’s letter?! I die.

+What’s with the blurry flashbacks?

+We just split up the room into teams for Jef, Arie, or Sean.

+Jef: Me, Zoe, Megan

+Sean: Kelsey, Kelsey’s Mom, McCall

+Arie: Lauren

“Sister Wives for Sean, guys. Sister Wives for Sean.” ~Kelsey

+“Wait, I’m team Sloth so that I can have Sean.” ~Kelsey again

+Lu wants Emily to have Arie, but she wants Jef for herself.

Rose Ceremony:

+Quick, who looks the best in a suit??

+Not Arie.+

+Not Sean.

+Whoa. Kelsey paused until we take our disapproval of Sean’s suit back.

+Okay, fine.

+“Wait, be quiet, we can’t hear what she’s saying!” ~Kelsey’s mom

+“We know what she’s saying! It's just cheese!” ~Kelsey

+Why are we fighting over the order of who gets the roses?

+Sean will be left with Sloth because they made it look like it was a problem that he didn’t say I love you.

+Chris is going to interrupt and say that he actually lives in a zoo.

+“Eat it, Sloth!” ~Zoe

+Sloth is going to pull out a gun that he borrowed from his mafia dad.

+He is SO pissed.

+This is more awkward than the frog kiss.

+Is she wearing a Bumpit?

+Oh come on, just give it up, bro!

+Okay, I was joking about the gun, but now I’m thinking…..

+Like, is there security nearby?

+Okay, we should cut him some slack. He did just get his heart broken.

+Sorry, Slothman. But really? Should’ve happened a looooong time ago.

+She does something weird with her lips, and we’re pretty sure it’s a contributing factor to her kissing skills.

Next Week:

+JEF! I WANT JEF!!

+Okay, calm it down.

+Emily becomes the crier.

+Bring it on.

so what did you think of the hometown episode? any similar thoughts? comment and tell me!