bachelorette commentary 4

bachelorette episode: men tell-all. 

brought to you by kelsey, lu, breck, kelsey's mom, and myself. 

+i’m fairly certain this is going to be boring, so this commentary will probably be short.

+Oh, unless Sloth kills someone! Cause I could legitimately see that happening.

+Who are half of these guys??

+Again. Kalon is not a guy’s name. It’s worse than Wolf.

+Leprechaun guy. For all his weirdness…I kind of like him? He’s funny.

+I would tell you who Leprechaun guy is but….well I don’t know his real name. He was the one who wore the green shirt the first night. Which branded him as Leprechaun guy for the rest of the show.

+Why does Kalon dress like a grandpa?

+I feel like Chris Harrison just really thrives in situations like these.

+How sure are we that Ryan’s beard is not tattooed on? Because the lines are so….sharp.

+SEAN!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!

+Love the audience reaction to Kalon being on Bachelor Pad. So openly disgusted.

+I’m surprised more people aren’t hating on Ryan.

+Oh, we liked Ryan’s entrance! I was trying to remember who wrote that cute note thing.

+Oh that stupid, ridiculously long letter. With Tony there. Guys, that was bad.

+THE TANK TOP.

+You guys, the tank top.

+I just…..can’t.

+Okay, I don’t hate Ryan. I thought I hated Ryan.

+Except…did he just say “Alpha Male”?

+Sloth needs to be put in a cage.

+Okay, so Ryan is arrogant, but he knows what he wants, and he is passionate about it. He is not that bad. For the right person.

+Sloth should not be allowed to wink at the camera.

+Also, does he have a Mexi-stache?

+Sloth is so awful, I just don’t even think he deserves a portion of this tell-all.

+His face while watching this replay. He is straight-up going to murder someone.

+Wait. Sloth is only like 5 years older than us. That’s weird.

+Kalon, Sloth, and Tony all on Bachelor Pad? I don’t know if I am okay with watching this now…

+When Chris Harrison just called him Chris, I literally didn’t know who he was talking to. His name is Sloth.

+Oh no! We are still mourning Sean. L

+“I am literally melting right now.” ~Kelsey

+Sean is so great! He deserves the perfect wife.

+Barbie Emily in all these interviews.

+Aw, buddy! Don’t cry! You are breaking our hearts.

+Emily and Sean would have made such beautiful babies.

+“Kelsey, are you crying?” “No, not yet.”

+I’m glad she’s accepted that it will probably happen eventually.

+“I’m not positive that he’s not wearing lip gloss right now.” ~Kelsey

+Okay, for reals. His lips are perfect.

+Can we just recognize how much better Sean handles this than Sloth? No thoughts of murder.

+PLEASE let Sean be the next Bachelor. We would totally die over that season.

+Oh no, Emily’s coming? Sloth might kill her.

+Emily looks different. Is it the straight hair, or did she get more Botox?

+Sean is so great.

+Do I need to reiterate that again?

+Because I don’t think I’ve said it enough.

+Sean is so great.

+Sloth. Cage. Now.

+"Hey Sean, could I just borrow your speech and copy it completely?” ~Sloth

+Plagiarism is a real problem, Slothy.

+Doug. Such a trooper.

+Emily! We love you. You are still bashing on Kalon, and we love you.

+I love that she is Twitter stalking him and using it against him.

+Like, I really want to do that to someone, but I just don’t have any real enemies.

+I wonder if Emily’s little speeches are scripted or if she’s really that witty.

+Bloopers. This is great.

+Alessandro! How’s your cousin doing?

+Welp. Screw Mitch’s last Sunday movie night. Bachelorette finale is happening.

+Arie. Skinny tie. Well played, my friend.

+#SLOWMOCAROUSELKISS

+Kelsey’s mom just made a connection between Arie and Branson Kitterman so…..yeah.

+Face grab Arie.

+Oh gosh. I love Jef.

+I love that they are awkward together. Because….I am awkward. If they can make it work, there is hope for me.

+You guys, I am totally about to cry as Jef reads this letter to her.

+I never thought my life would come to this.

+YOU ARE MEANT TO BE!!!

+“I just want to hold her hand till I’m like, 110.”

+YOU GUYS.

+ALL CAPS ARE NOT EVEN ENOUGH RIGHT NOW.


okay, i've calmed down. comment with your thoughts from the episode!