bachelorette commentary 2

Tonight's commentary is brought to you by me, Lauren, McCall, Zoe, Megan, Kelsey, and Kelsey's mom. Enjoy.

+ HOMETOWNS!!

+Wait. Arie is from Scottsdale. THEY WERE IN ARIZONA.

+Jef’s family is screaming “Mormon!”

+A skull on her shirt? Why does the world think that skulls are an okay clothing decoration? I mean….are you a pirate or….?

+ In her interviews she looks like a Barbie. Why does she always look like a Barbie?

+The bobblehead. We forgot about the bobblehead.

+Jef looks great as long as his hair never sees the wind.

+We feel like the majority of Sean and Emily’s relationship is based on her feeling his muscles.

+Wait. We thought Arie was the awkward kisser, but maybe it’s her?

+Rewind. It could definitely be her.

+OH MY GOSH, SHE’S THE AWKWARD KISSER!!!

+Okay, proceed with the actual dates.

Chris:+I really hope that Chris’ family turn out to be real live sloths.

+“Boo!”

+“Well…that was weird.” ~Kelsey

+“She won’t look at him!” “Well he looks like a sloth!”

+Red flair pants? Was that really the best choice, Em?

+Polish sloths? Sounds legit.

+Her and Sloth are super awkward together. And we’re not sure why she is still considering him.

+Oh yeah, cause he was a crybaby and she felt guilty.

+Okay, can we just take a moment to talk about Emily’s outfit? High school teacher on top, disco dancer on bottom. “Both weird, because she’s neither of those things.” ~Kelsey

+His dad is creepy. It’s all starting to make sense.

+Of course, she only has that one facial expression anyways, so maybe she could fit in the family.

+He calls home every day? At 25 and a man?

+“You’re his dad.” Very good, Em.

+I’m pretty sure Sloth Daddy is in the Polish mafia. If that’s even a thing.

+“Wait, did he just say ‘hot mess’?” ~Megan

+Gee, good thing she translated that one.

+His sister is named Renee. I can’t hear that name without thinking of the 2nd Sherlock Holmes movie.

+What did Sloth Daddy just do?!

+She is NOT falling in love with him! You sit on a throne of lies!

+Emily’s not coming up with anything original, just saying ‘yeah’ to everything he says.

+She is really not enjoying this kiss.

+“It’s like she’s doing chores.” ~McCall

+"Wait, what?" ~Me, in reference to McCall's comment

+“Let’s take the one unique thing about our family and just go overboard with it so we look cool on TV!” ~All the families during hometowns

Jef:

+Why is he just walking through the desert of southern Utah?

+Because he CAN.

+Wow, Em. Come dressed immodestly to a Mormon family hometown?

+Uninformed.

+“I hope her dress just gets super dirty.” ~Kelsey

+We like that Jef jokes around with her. The others are just too careful.

+“Is there a kick?”

+Please fall over.

+The camera man hit the target.

+Okay wait, why does she know so much about guns?

+I mean, who needs a couch when you have a blanket and some bales of hay?

+Charity work? Dude. The entire world knows you are Mormon. Give it up.

+Jef is the greatest thing ever.

+SO MORMON.

+So many babies!

+Okay, forget Jef. I want that baby.

+Lemonade! Bahaha. No alcohol on this date.

+Like, do they know how to go on a date without alcohol?

+We’re guessing that the older brother is Young Men’s president.

+“Situations like this can put you in love but…” “But what is the Spirit telling you?”

+“His sister looks familiar.” ~Kelsey

+“Maybe she was your EFY counselor!” ~McCall

+The kids in the background.

+It’s sacrament meeting in a home ward.

+If Emily wants as many kids as she keeps talking about, she would fit in this family.

+Baby noise!!!!

+Oh my gosh, babies everywhere. I just….I can’t even.

+Having a family with Emily would be “so awesome.”

+YOU GUYS. Kill me now. I love him.

+What is she doing? Cause that dance is weird.

+He is melting my heart.

+And her heart too.

+Like, she is seriously dying inside as he reads this letter.

+We’re ALL squealing. The goosebumps are back.

+Why does she have to go on any other hometowns? Just marry Jef now!!!

Arie:

+Okay, what is Scottsdale’s theme gonna be? Since Southern Utah took the whole desert thing.

+Oh yeah, racecars.

+“You guys, she was on our freeways!!! What freeway was she on?!” ~Zoe

+Em, why are you so bad at picking meet-the-parents outfits?

+Like, there’s water in Arizona? Come on, don’t deceive the viewers.

+Wait, he’s European? Since when?

+Let’s get totally wasted at noon before we go meet your parents!! ~Emily

+Lauren realized strangely early on that they were in Fountain Hills.

+How did this random Dutch family end up in Fountain Hills?

+Identical twin Zac Efron brothers.

+Speaking Dutch in front of her about her?

+“He has a tat, and he speaks Dutch. That’s hot.” ~Zoe

+“Do you want to have a chat with me?” ~Arie’s mom

+“Is it gonna be in English?” ~All of us.

+Why is Dutch Mom asking her about Brad’s season?

+I feel like you should never address the fact that you’re actually on TV. It’s like waving to the cameraman while filming.

+Lies! Jef makes you laugh more than Arie.

+I can’t see her with Arie’s family. It just feels like a weird fit.

+Why are all these dads scary?

+Do you think that Dutch Dad and Polish Dad are mafia friends?

+“If she doesn’t pick him, Arie is going to stalk her.” ~Kelsey

+“No, that’s gonna be Sloth.” ~Zoe

Sean:

+What the dress slit, Em?

+“Let’s stay outside and live in trees and play with animals and wear flower clothing, because I’m a country girl!!” ~Emily

+Whoa there. He just threw out the “e” word. Eternity.

+“AH!!! He just stuck his tongue out of his mouth like a frog!!” ~Zoe

+That is SO awkward to watch.

+We are really glad that we don’t watch each other kiss people.

+“He matches what is going on behind him.” ~Kelsey

+MORE BABIES!!!!

+He is the most adorable uncle!

+“I wish I had an Uncle Sean!” ~Kelsey

+Oh my gosh. I want to be that little girl. I want that little house.

+Wait, is the living-at-home thing really an issue? Cause I feel like it is not that big of a deal.

+Okay…..what? Why on EARTH would you leave your room looking like this?

+He has to be joking. HE HAS TO BE JOKING.

+We had to pause for reactions.

+We are SO weirded out right now.

+It was a joke.

+That was not a funny joke.

+“That had to have been a joke. That mess was too perfect.” ~Lauren

+Enily, you did not think it was funny.

+I think that was weirder because I don’t think they have ever joked about anything together before.

+“They don’t have a fence around the pool!” ~random fact noticed by Kelsey’s mom

+This dad isn’t creepy!

+“But….is that really Sean’s dad???” ~Kelsey

+“Big Sean. Cute little elf Dad.” ~Zoe

+Cute dad. We like his dad.

+Oh my gosh, he’s adorable!

+Audible “aw-ing” over Sean’s dad.

+“How sure are we that they’re not Mormon?” ~Kelsey

+G check. Not Mormon.

+“His tongue is up in her business ALL THE TIME!” ~Zoe

+“Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be….” ~McCall

+“If the day comes when I don’t have to say goodbye…”

+Okay, that was cute.

Girl Talk With Chris Harrison:

+You don’t know what to do?

+Um….Sloth?? Ring a bell?

+No, it doesn’t. Because you don’t like him.

+Hometown review: Remember Jef’s letter?! I die.

+What’s with the blurry flashbacks?

+We just split up the room into teams for Jef, Arie, or Sean.

+Jef: Me, Zoe, Megan

+Sean: Kelsey, Kelsey’s Mom, McCall

+Arie: Lauren

“Sister Wives for Sean, guys. Sister Wives for Sean.” ~Kelsey

+“Wait, I’m team Sloth so that I can have Sean.” ~Kelsey again

+Lu wants Emily to have Arie, but she wants Jef for herself.

Rose Ceremony:

+Quick, who looks the best in a suit??

+Not Arie.+

+Not Sean.

+Whoa. Kelsey paused until we take our disapproval of Sean’s suit back.

+Okay, fine.

+“Wait, be quiet, we can’t hear what she’s saying!” ~Kelsey’s mom

+“We know what she’s saying! It's just cheese!” ~Kelsey

+Why are we fighting over the order of who gets the roses?

+Sean will be left with Sloth because they made it look like it was a problem that he didn’t say I love you.

+Chris is going to interrupt and say that he actually lives in a zoo.

+“Eat it, Sloth!” ~Zoe

+Sloth is going to pull out a gun that he borrowed from his mafia dad.

+He is SO pissed.

+This is more awkward than the frog kiss.

+Is she wearing a Bumpit?

+Oh come on, just give it up, bro!

+Okay, I was joking about the gun, but now I’m thinking…..

+Like, is there security nearby?

+Okay, we should cut him some slack. He did just get his heart broken.

+Sorry, Slothman. But really? Should’ve happened a looooong time ago.

+She does something weird with her lips, and we’re pretty sure it’s a contributing factor to her kissing skills.

Next Week:

+JEF! I WANT JEF!!

+Okay, calm it down.

+Emily becomes the crier.

+Bring it on.

so what did you think of the hometown episode? any similar thoughts? comment and tell me!