the bachelor: week 3

this week episode is titled, sean likes to touch a lot of girls' butts.

classy.

brought to you by me, my roommates, chelsie, and our fhe sisters lisa and allison.

[you will find that the butt-touching starts pretty early on. enjoy.]

Lesley's Date:

+We all like Lesley.

+We were about to say her dress wasn’t too skanky, but then we saw the back.

+Shy, Allison, and Stéf fangirling over Sean’s dimples.

+“I would take all of my dates here.”  ~Allison, in reference to the longest on-screen kiss record.

+You guys, creepy old guy behind Chris is licking his lips watching this kiss!!! SO GROSS.

+They are so awkward kissing right now. 

+I love that she’s laughing though, because if she wasn't I'm pretty sure she wouldn't actually be a human.

+“Little bit of bum touch!” ~Julie

+“Get it." ~Also Julie

+LOT A BIT OF BUM TOUCH! LOT A BIT OF BUM TOUCH!!

+Butt touch tally: 3

+FOUR.

+I don’t think he realizes how short her dress is and how much he is pulling it up every time he touches it….

+FIVE.
+Oh em gee, they are in public!

+He is hardcore loving this bare-backed dress.

+“I feel like I need to do this now.” ~Allison

+There is a third being receiving this award today, and it is....Lesley’s butt. Welcome to the party.

+That really didn’t look like an enjoyable kiss. Their lips were just frozen and their jaws were locked.

+But oh boy, were their hands having a good time.

+“The only girl I want to set records with…”

+That's sitting on this couch....on this roof....right now...

+You think you're a nerd? Les, what do you consider a nerd? Because….I’ve seen almost every episode of Stargate SG-1...

+Just saying, I think I probably know 'nerd'.

+The candles really….add.

+SEAN FROG KISS RETURNS!!!!
+Gee, I sure haven't missed that since Em's season.

+“THE BUTT IS OUT!” ~Lisa (This was literally yelled so.)
+Do they ever eat? Nah. It would kill the alcohol buzz.

+At least they didn’t show the food they weren’t eating this time!
+No unnecessary torture for us college kids.

+Confetti….too far producers, too far.

Group Date:

+First volleyball shot…”WHOA, that’s a lot of flesh!” ~Lisa

+Sponsored matching bikinis. Classy.

+We all LOVE that Chris is such a huge participant in these dates lately.

+What is this weird beach orgy that is happening right now?

+Britney Spears, your boobs are oddly shaped.

+And you’re drunk already.

+Is there a flask in one of your bikini cups?

+Because I would not be surprised, and honestly, it would explain a lot.

+Not a fan of new and bronzed-out Kacie B.

+This game is embarrassing for everyone involved.

+Is there really not a single girl on this show who can handle playing a volleyball game?
+Like, I'm actually cringing.

+Good news you guys, Des is still adorable.

+How many of them are going to cry over losing?

+Def America’s Next Top Model. (Now ANTM)

+Sympathy hugs all around!

+At least they all get to touch Sean’s body even though they lost.

+Yes! Tears for ANTM.

+Pointing at Britney’s boobs and laughing. ~Julie

+OH EM GEE YOUR LIFE IS TRAGIC.

+You’re fun? Or drunk….?

+We’re giving ANTM and Leslie the benefit of the doubt and assuming they’re on their periods.
+But only 2 people get that excuse per episode, so no more breaks.

+Julie’s impressions of Lindsey, you guys. I can't.

+Sean Frog Kiss Count 2!

+“You looked so good in your little bikini.” ~Sean

+“WE ARE LOSING RESPECT FOR YOU SEAN, PLEASE PULL IT TOGETHER.” ~All of us.

+He can’t go five minutes without kissing someone apparently.

+Amanda, I just feel like….like you don’t really shower, maybe?
+I don't know.

+“Amanda, you have such a dark aura.” ~Stefanie

+Kacie, tattle-telling is never a good idea!

+She has officially passed Sean’s shade of orange though, so let’s look at the positives here.

+Kacie B. What does that B stand for exactly? Because I'm kind of thinking it's not your last name anymore.

+Just saying, it’s something to think about…..

+First of all, the situation was nothing and had nothing to do with you.

+Second of all, THE SITUATION WAS NOTHING AND HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

+Sean hates this so much.

+“I want you to act like Kacie, not like this crazy person that you’re being.” ~Sean

+BEST LINE.

+“I look like a crazy person!” ~Kacie

+Lbh, your skin is literally orange, You are a crazy person.

AshLee’s Date:

+First off, we’re pretty sure she is half feline.

+Cue this ep's version of The Boobs Drama Fest. 
+(That's Tierra, in case you missed last week.)

+She sure timed that fall perfectly though.

+None of these girls are really wearing clothes. But what else is new?

+What is Boobs' problem?

+How convenient that she’s wearing a sheer shirt and bikini top.

+I think she’s just had a little too much morning booze and Vitamin D from all that fake tanning.

+We’re pretty sure they either have a tanning bed in the mansion or they come spray them all each week.

+He is drumming her bum. With his fingertips.

+SEAN! WHY ARE YOU REWARDING BAD BEHAVIOR?!?!

+I am disgusted with him.

+Sean, you are ruining this for us.

+He really did not prepare her for this date, because she is wearing a short dress and high heels. At a theme park.

+SEAN, while I am mad at you, I just wanted to take a sec and be honest:

+I’ve never thought you are as attractive as everyone else does.

+There. I SAID IT.
+I'm just not really a fan of blonds.
+Which is a problem, because I kind of really want a little blond child.
+I digress.

+Okay, don’t try to make up for touching everyone’s butts by inviting chronically ill children on your date.

+Okay nevermind, I just squealed. This is adorable. Keep the chronically ill children.

+I’m dying.

+NO LINES.

+Okay, that date was super cute, but...I feel like AshLee wasn’t even there.

+Trying not to cry over these adorable girls.

+Hel-LO, Eli Young Band!

+Swooning.

+I am NOT crying as these young girls who have the same chronic illness and have been best friends for years without ever meeting each other dance hand-in-hand to a private concert at an empty Six Flags.

+I PROMISE.

+This has to be the most transported couch in all of human history. It's in every scene.

+He’s not touching her butt yet, so he probably doesn’t like her.

+Okay, I like AshLee a lot, but I don’t really feel like they have any chemistry.
+And the way she spells her name is pretentious.
+Oh my gosh wait, this story is so touching.

+Sean is about to cry at this story she is sharing.

+And maybe I am too?

+HE’S CRYING!

+Okay, we hated him a few seconds ago, but now…..

+Sean, she deserves a BOUQUET of roses.

+Every day.

+For the rest of her life.
+And even after that, someone should probably put a bouquet on her grave at least once a day until the world ends.
+Too far?

+Okay, Chels just sat down for a few minutes and she is so disgusted by Sean’s tonguey frog kissing.

+As is all of America.

Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony:

+Sarah’s really sweet.

+BUT, here come the “ooooooooooh myyyy gooooooooosh”es again.

+Okay, someone ACTUALLY push Boobs down the stairs now.

+Oh no big deal, Sean and Des are just being adorable again. Whatever.

+BUTT GRAB NUMBER I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW MANY ANYMORE.

+Push her in the pool. Please, SOMEBODY, push Boobs in the pool.

+Kacie’s dress looks like a wetsuit.

+Honey, you’re through.

+Go home.

+The amount of girls I would be pushing in the pool at this point…..

+Oh look, Amanda hasn’t showered again!

+Who wrote this poem that Sean is reciting right now?

+My FHE sis Allison has the hots for Chris Harrison.

+They should all just wrestle over the roses right now and see who comes out on top and how many tacky dresses they can ruin.

+Crazy Kacie B. is getting the boot.

+But it was 100% her fault.

+Just now noticing that Kacie B’s profession line on her intro is “Ben’s Season”. 
+So basically she is only remembered for being associated with the offspring of Francine Frensky and the Geico caveman. 

+Shouldn’t have gotten involved in the drama, Kace. Bad news bears.

+ANTM is leaving! Hallelujah. Take your weird eyebrows with you.

+Des is literally the most adorable thing we’ve ever seen.

+Still cutting ANTM some PMS slack.

+He said y’all again. We love it.

+More booze for everyone!!

lawlz over boobs’ breakdown next week. so excited.
so maybe i got carried away with the caps lock this time around?
i regret nothing.