well friends, here we are. back once more. me, lyss, and rach.
+A little irked that we're starting this episode with a continuation of the drunken all-nighter from hell.
+A little irked that we're starting this episode with a continuation of the drunken all-nighter from hell.
+If this is any indication of how ballsy Chris is....he's not gonna make it as the bachelor.
+EVERYONE JUST NEEDS TO SLEEP.
+I don't recognize any of these girls from the first night.
+Except crazy Kaitlyn and short-haired widow girl. And Britt, obvs.
+Britt tweeted that she got her un-smearable lipstick for $1.99 at CVS and I'm calling so much bullcrap on that.
+They don't even sell lipstick for $1.99 at CVS.
+TRUST ME, I'VE SEARCHED.
+Actually surprised that it took them this long to show Chris with his shirt off.
+Why is his shower outdoors and also filled with cameras.
+It's possible they may be going overboard with the farm thing here.
+It's possible they may be going overboard with the farm thing here.
+One of the girls is in overalls.
+I respect that.
Bikini Tractor Date YAYYYYY
+SO MUCH SKIN.
+The Kardashian chick looks like a Kardashian.
+My computer tried to autocorrect Kardashian to Guardianship.
+K.
+K.
+Despite her weird take-me-back stint last night, Kimberly actually seems a lot more normal than most of these girls.
+"Men always introduce themselves to me when they're shirtless." -Lyss
+Update: If you wear a bikini that is too skimpy, the network will censor it.
+These girls are insane.
+Just running around his home taking the bait from the producers and trying on his bike helmets?
+Just running around his home taking the bait from the producers and trying on his bike helmets?
+I'm so appalled by the stupidity of these women, that I'm forgetting to type.
+Can we eliminate 10 of these bimbos tonight, please?
+We weren't sure where Daisy Duke was from, but it turns out it's Ft. Lauderdale and that's not even the country.
+So disgusted by the fact that Chris is just sitting on the sidelines watching these girls in bikinis on tractors.
+"This experience is incredible." -Farmer Chris with Ogling Eyes
+Go buy a Playboy.
+(Sorry. I hear he's a generally good guy, but this show sets men up to objectify women no matter how good of a guy the bachelor is and you better believe I'm gonna get feministy on that.)
+Good thing the 11-year old girl with a kid has her overalls to wear over her swimsuit.
+"Sitting on a bale of hay in a swimsuit is NOT on my bachelor to-do list." -Lyss
+Okay, these girls are actually trying to be nice about him taking Baby away for a one-on-one date.
+Does he know that she's 21?
+Also, aliens?
+Like.
+Honey, he's not going to think you're insane because you have a son. He's going to think you're insane because you told him you like his big nose and you asked him about aliens.
+Like, if he's not cool with you having a son, probably just own the fact that you have a son and go home?
+Idk.
+The only reason she's getting this rose is because of her child.
+Wow. He's going to kiss every single one of these girls.
+Whyyyyyy is she telling all of these girls every detail of her date?
+BAD PLAN.
+ABORT ABORT.
Megan's Date
+Literally, how stupid is Megan?
+I'm soooooo concerned.
+You should have to pass an IQ test to be considered for this show.
+"Megan is fun, and easy-going, and..."
+And surprisingly has enough words in her vocabulary to hold a brief conversation, so that's good news.
+"Even after she banged her head all over his apartment yesterday!" -Lyss
+This date is way too much transportation for me.
+Limo to private jet to helicopter...
+WHAT IS NEXT?!
+You know, most people hike to get to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, but...
+"Or ride a mule!" -Lyss
+The most beautiful blue eyes in NORTH AMERICA.
+Not those other continents though.
+Sob story count so far: 2
+Good news: If you say "I'm shaking" on a date, the boy will hold your hand.
+(Warning: This may only apply if your father has recently passed away.)
+Guys, when Lyss goes on Bach during her gap year after graduation, what should her sob story be?
+We're currently leaning towards her having a conjoined twin that died and she had to have surgery to remove it.
+That day she lost both a growth and a best friend.
+"I've never been this happy in my entire life." -Megan, on this date
+"That's sad." -all of us, in unison
+Apparently the Grand Canyon is the place to go to kiss boys.
+But joke's on them, cause I went there in 6th grade and didn't do any kissing.
+So.
Zombie Paintballing Date
+These girls are freaking about this date and it's hilar.
+There are zombies all over but you know what? I'm just terrified of Blinky Macpherson.
+I kinda like Kaitlyn?
+"She shouldn't even be allowed to hold a wet noodle." Kaitlyn, about Blinky
+Dead.
+Also, that is true, and I support it.
+I think this activity might be turning Blinky into a serial killer?
+It is ridiculous how good Britt's hair looks rn ugh.
+Okay, so I think Blinky legit needs some psychological help.
+Someone please look into this.
+I'm predicting that Kaitlyn's gonna make it pretty far.
+I ALWAYS LIKE THE CANADIANS.
+Farmer Chris is a man that likes kissing.
+Zero hesitation.
+Just kissing.
+Blinky is either on some hard hallucinogens or needs to be in a mental facility.
+He's so worried about her. That's kind of sweet I guess.
+"You don't want to lose your soul." -Blinky
+"That's.......fair?" -Farmer Chris
+Elan is laughing SO hard at all of this.
+WHOA.
+He got Britt a gift?
+"A free kiss, from Chris."
+"Eh. I feel like his kisses are pretty free anyways." -Lyss
+That's real.
Rose Ceremony
+Trina looks 45.
+Like, she looks good for a 45 year old.
+But still 45.
+Wait. What if they actually had a hardcore cougar on this show?
+I'm gonna tweet Elan about this.
+Why do all of these girls have a belly dancing dress?
+Mackenzie needs to calm the freak down about Ashley I. being a virgin.
+Anyone else feel like maybe she regrets having a child?
+Anyone?
+Bueller?
+WHAT IS HAPPENING.
+WHY IS SHE MAKING HIM TOUCH HER BELLY BUTTON RING AND MAKE A WISH.
+SHE IS NOT A GENIE.
+Physically cringing.
+So much cringing.
+This girl is thirstyyyyyy.
+That is not classy making out.
+Yikes yikes yikes.
+Pls stop.
+Have we seen Jordan not drunk yet?
+There's gotta be a stagehand or producer or something that is in charge of keeping her glass full at all times.
+I'm genuinely worried about her.
+"I JUST WANNA MAKE OUT."
+Girl, you can think that, but good heavens, please don't yell it on national television to a boy you barely know.
+Just now realizing that Daisy Duke's occupation is "Sport Fishing Enthusiast".
+It's becoming clear that Daisy Duke just has a lot of opinions.
+But at least she's not having trouble standing this time, good job, babe.
+Impressed with how DC Muscles handled the tripping fiasco.
+My Name is Carly made it!
+K, what is Jordan a student of?
+Because she's kind of acting like a college party girl, and I can't imagine her actually attending any classes.
+Maybe that's why she's 24 and still listing her occupation as "student"?
+Sad-funny that she isn't going to remember a single second of her time on this show.
+Blinky is 100% a producer pick.
+No way she would have beat out Daisy Duke, Tandra, and Kimberly if Chris had a choice.
+Ughhhhhhhh come on.
+I don't know if I can handle her for another week of this.
+Daisy Duke needs some happiness in her life.
+And a re-evaluation of her self-worth.
Preview
+Literally who wrote the soundtrack this season? Cause this is so intense rn.
+OMG Jimmy Kimmel.
+This is what this show has been missing.
+WHO KNEW?!?!
k kiddies, we're out.
see ya next week.
+Okay, these girls are actually trying to be nice about him taking Baby away for a one-on-one date.
+Does he know that she's 21?
+Also, aliens?
+Like.
+Honey, he's not going to think you're insane because you have a son. He's going to think you're insane because you told him you like his big nose and you asked him about aliens.
+Like, if he's not cool with you having a son, probably just own the fact that you have a son and go home?
+Idk.
+The only reason she's getting this rose is because of her child.
+Wow. He's going to kiss every single one of these girls.
+Whyyyyyy is she telling all of these girls every detail of her date?
+BAD PLAN.
+ABORT ABORT.
Megan's Date
+Literally, how stupid is Megan?
+I'm soooooo concerned.
+You should have to pass an IQ test to be considered for this show.
+"Megan is fun, and easy-going, and..."
+And surprisingly has enough words in her vocabulary to hold a brief conversation, so that's good news.
+"Even after she banged her head all over his apartment yesterday!" -Lyss
+This date is way too much transportation for me.
+Limo to private jet to helicopter...
+WHAT IS NEXT?!
+You know, most people hike to get to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, but...
+"Or ride a mule!" -Lyss
+The most beautiful blue eyes in NORTH AMERICA.
+Not those other continents though.
+Sob story count so far: 2
+Good news: If you say "I'm shaking" on a date, the boy will hold your hand.
+(Warning: This may only apply if your father has recently passed away.)
+Guys, when Lyss goes on Bach during her gap year after graduation, what should her sob story be?
+We're currently leaning towards her having a conjoined twin that died and she had to have surgery to remove it.
+That day she lost both a growth and a best friend.
+"I've never been this happy in my entire life." -Megan, on this date
+"That's sad." -all of us, in unison
+Apparently the Grand Canyon is the place to go to kiss boys.
+But joke's on them, cause I went there in 6th grade and didn't do any kissing.
+So.
Zombie Paintballing Date
+These girls are freaking about this date and it's hilar.
+There are zombies all over but you know what? I'm just terrified of Blinky Macpherson.
+I kinda like Kaitlyn?
+"She shouldn't even be allowed to hold a wet noodle." Kaitlyn, about Blinky
+Dead.
+Also, that is true, and I support it.
+I think this activity might be turning Blinky into a serial killer?
+It is ridiculous how good Britt's hair looks rn ugh.
+Okay, so I think Blinky legit needs some psychological help.
+Someone please look into this.
+I'm predicting that Kaitlyn's gonna make it pretty far.
+I ALWAYS LIKE THE CANADIANS.
+Farmer Chris is a man that likes kissing.
+Zero hesitation.
+Just kissing.
+Blinky is either on some hard hallucinogens or needs to be in a mental facility.
+He's so worried about her. That's kind of sweet I guess.
+"You don't want to lose your soul." -Blinky
+"That's.......fair?" -Farmer Chris
+Elan is laughing SO hard at all of this.
+WHOA.
+He got Britt a gift?
+"A free kiss, from Chris."
+"Eh. I feel like his kisses are pretty free anyways." -Lyss
+That's real.
Rose Ceremony
+Trina looks 45.
+Like, she looks good for a 45 year old.
+But still 45.
+Wait. What if they actually had a hardcore cougar on this show?
+I'm gonna tweet Elan about this.
+Why do all of these girls have a belly dancing dress?
+Mackenzie needs to calm the freak down about Ashley I. being a virgin.
+Anyone else feel like maybe she regrets having a child?
+Anyone?
+Bueller?
+WHAT IS HAPPENING.
+WHY IS SHE MAKING HIM TOUCH HER BELLY BUTTON RING AND MAKE A WISH.
+SHE IS NOT A GENIE.
+Physically cringing.
+So much cringing.
+This girl is thirstyyyyyy.
+That is not classy making out.
+Yikes yikes yikes.
+Pls stop.
+Have we seen Jordan not drunk yet?
+There's gotta be a stagehand or producer or something that is in charge of keeping her glass full at all times.
+I'm genuinely worried about her.
+"I JUST WANNA MAKE OUT."
+Girl, you can think that, but good heavens, please don't yell it on national television to a boy you barely know.
+Just now realizing that Daisy Duke's occupation is "Sport Fishing Enthusiast".
+It's becoming clear that Daisy Duke just has a lot of opinions.
+But at least she's not having trouble standing this time, good job, babe.
+Impressed with how DC Muscles handled the tripping fiasco.
+My Name is Carly made it!
+K, what is Jordan a student of?
+Because she's kind of acting like a college party girl, and I can't imagine her actually attending any classes.
+Maybe that's why she's 24 and still listing her occupation as "student"?
+Sad-funny that she isn't going to remember a single second of her time on this show.
+Blinky is 100% a producer pick.
+No way she would have beat out Daisy Duke, Tandra, and Kimberly if Chris had a choice.
+Ughhhhhhhh come on.
+I don't know if I can handle her for another week of this.
+Daisy Duke needs some happiness in her life.
+And a re-evaluation of her self-worth.
Preview
+Literally who wrote the soundtrack this season? Cause this is so intense rn.
+OMG Jimmy Kimmel.
+This is what this show has been missing.
+WHO KNEW?!?!
k kiddies, we're out.
see ya next week.
No comments:
Post a Comment
you talkin' to me?