the bachelor: week 7

so here's what happened:

we were watching the episode, i was typing away, brittney's cousin danny was being hilarious, it was all good. and then hannah's computer shut off and deleted my commentary and i was too lazy and apathetic to recreate it. so today's commentary gets a little bit of a different form.

^^^dream date? nope.

remember how we renamed juan pablo "pigface" last week? well that was a real good idea, because he ran up to camilla literally making all sorts of pig noises. dude does not disappoint. but really, blah blah blah, we know he's actually just a player posing as a family man, can we cut some of the cameeeeela screen time? she's cute, but he's obnoxious. 

the girls called clare "crazy clare" at one point tonight and for a second we were like, "man, why haven't we been calling her that all season?" and then we remembered that we call her "pregnant clare" and also that we're funnier than the girls on this show.

#throwback

it is unfortunate that it took me this long to start realizing that nikki dresses the sluttiest of them all. i mean yeah, there was that time when she didn't wear pants, but like.....this dress has no bottom half, no back, and it's missing a good portion of the front. i can only assume that she used about a whole roll of double stick tape to keep that thing covering her goodies during the impromptu catch sesh.

okay, so let's talk about sharleen, shall we? 

first, she's flawless:

like, how dare you look like an angel?

and second, she is the best woman to ever be on this show. i know a lot of people hate her and think her kissing is really awkward (though, let's all admit that it's getting better), but i dare you to find a way to combat her confidence, honesty, and woman empowerment. she is the only person i've ever seen come on this show who viewed whether or not she gets a rose as her own choice. every other girl just falls right on in love and hopes and prays and please please please's that the bachelor gives her a rose so she can maybe stay just one more week with the amazing guy. 

but not sharleen. she understands that a relationship is about the decisions and feelings of two people, and since she didn't see it working out in the long run, she didn't even want the rose. she's brilliant and i love her.

i also would be willing to watch her as the bachelorette just for the sake of witnessing her wardrobe.

anyways. 

sharleen leaves, jupa takes the rest of them on a date, and we get to see him have zero tact when asking about pregnant clare's dad who passed away. we also don't see them make out anymore, so i'm assuming that pregnant clare is also suffering from a mouthful of cold sores or something. or hell froze over. actually, i kinda zoned out at this part, did they make out or not?

sick of this face yet? nope. me neither.

fangirl chelsie starts babbling about her life and we realize that they've probably never had a real conversation before. and also that her voice is annoying. and definitely that she is going home to science educate some people, because pigface is totally not into her. 

andi can't dance and it's embarrassing. and like....that's coming from me. she's also infinitely too good for him (as most women are) and he needs to let her go so she can move on and be the next bachelorette.

there were a few moments when pigface said things like, "the moon, the sky, the company, etc. etc." and we realized that he was trying to be poetic, but he only knows like 10 words in the english language so it wasn't getting him very far. and then we missed chris from des's season. 

overall, we decided that CH would have been the only redeeming factor in this season, but he hasn't even been around for girl talk. and also that someone needs to get jupa's stylist to quit dressing him in brightly color blocked oufits.

just a sampling.

and for the record, i still miss dog lover.

we out.

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