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Tuesday, February 18, 2014

how to: road trip

well guys, i'm finally back from my beautiful, warm, perfect arizona trip and i couldn't be more upset with utah at the moment. why you gotta be so boring and cold, utah? huh?

anyways, i have some fun pictures and better stories for you tomorrow, but i'm overloaded with work today so i have to make this one kind of quick. which brings me to.....

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the best quotes of the road trip:
#204doesZona #onecrAZyweekend
k=kylie, h=hannah, a=ashley, l=lyss, b=brittney, m=matt, kel=kelli

"five minutes in and we're already looking at puppy pictures." -kel

"ke$ha is my road trip best friend." -k

"what frequency does this run on? what if i hacked into the government?" -m, about our walkie talkies

"wait, if he's going to be YOUR first kiss, he has to be MY first kiss!" -h

"if it doesn't have chocolate chips, it's not a granola bar." -m

"for some reason, i feel like that truck is part of sex trafficking." -h
"what did the driver look like?" -l
"he was very bearded." -b

"either hannah's pee spreaded or i peed too. the whole back seat is pee." -b

"coming to wendy's and not getting a frosty is like coming to earth and not getting a body." -m

"matt has now started referring to the cargo holders on top of cars as 'nap centers'" -kel

"he also thinks the hashtag for the weekend should be #weekend." -kel

"okay, this guy is really good at describing a man." -h, as luke bryan sings 'country man'

"it's so sinful i'm gonna die!" -h, as we passed through vegas. said in agnes' voice from despicable me

"GUYS. can we stop at the world's largest thermometer?" -b

"golden nugget?! that's where it all happens!" -h, reading signs on the strip

"and that was the last time we ever saw mike swindle..." -everyone, in so many different occasions

"i mean, i wouldn't mind getting pulled over and getting frisked by a police officer." -b

"wait, it's like really hard to get cop selfies!" -b

"i mean, if this is the end, i feel pretty good about my heaven vs. hell chances. like, we said a prayer before we left." -l
"yeah, and i've only said 'shit' once this whole trip." -k

"I'M GONNA SHOOT THE GAP!" -l, right before getting pulled over for an unsafe lane change

"guys, let's play the polygamist game. you have to pick 5 guys you want to marry and then order them and give them days of the week." -l
"BOB SAGET!" -b
"richard simmons! winston churchill!" -h
"bob ross! joseph stalin!" -b
"johnny bravo! LEONA LEWIS!" -b

"tim mcgraw will be my sunday husband. like, can you think of a better man to take your children to church with?" -k
"um...jesus?" -b

"oh my gosh, he is totally a thursday husband!" -h

"i just feel like by my third husband, i'll be ready for someone my own age, you know?" -k

"whoa whoa whoa. i think i just experienced what it's like to be on drugs. i think that car was flying." -h

"oh, i could NOT play the polygamist game if john krasinski were involved. he would be my every day husband." -k

"WAIT. you know what would be hell? playing the polygamist game with only your ex-boyfriends." -k

"oh, i dated a guy who looked a saguaro once." -l

"guys, if he's colonel cadbury, we are like the cream inside!"  -h, on the renaming of lyssa's car

"wait, i just came up with something: i'm smitten when a man purrs like a kitten." -h

"they went the wrong way again? yikes. #swindlestruggles." -h

"that should definitely not be a thing." -mike swindle, after we told him via walkie talkie about #swindlestruggles (spoiler alert: it's totally a thing now.)

"aw guys, we never heard my mom do the dolphin noise! ooh, we should call her. you'll think a dolphin is on the phone." -h

"so i think they need a navajo res horseback riding bachelor date." -a

"i've always wanted to watch all the star wars movies in a row. but i would prefer to do that with a boy." -k
"ooh, let's do that if we're 25 and still single." -l
"you know, most people decide to go on a vacation or something like that if they're not married by a certain age." -k
"it's okay. if we're both single at 25, we're going to marathon all the star wars movies." -l

"MORE ROCKS SHOULD BE PURPLE." -k
"purple mountains majesty, y'all." -l

"wait, like why am i not a twangy male country singer?" -k

"guys, this is like my element. i just wanna go out and be a wilder-woman!" -b

"we're at the point in the road trip where we just need to be at disneyland." -l

"i'm safe! it's because i ate the immunity berry!" -b, in one of her accents again

"there's never anyone fishing or swimming or anything. the virgin river just doesn't look like it gets very much action. WAIT." -k

"so many songs about bovine."  -l, after i started singing this song


so the big 'how to'? just travel with your friends, and a 10-hour car ride will go by in a breeze. you might even laugh so hard that the driver has to calm down so she doesn't swerve in between lanes and get us in a laughter-induced car wreck.

oh, and why am i back in utah again? ugh.

2 comments:

  1. Road trips are seriously THE BOMB. The best memories I have are from when some of my friends and I drove from Toronto to Miami. Literally so many good times. Looks like you had fun!

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    Replies
    1. Unfortunately, I think I had way too MUCH fun! I can't handle going back to real life these last couple days! Thanks for stopping by!

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