This is enough for me.

This last weekend really had me thinking. 

It was general conference weekend, and as many of you probably heard, the group Ordain Women got some pretty big press when they tried to get into the conference center for the Priesthood session on Saturday night. The Ordain Women campaign is a group of Mormon Feminist men and women who believe that women should be allowed to be ordained to the Priesthood in our church. 

I've been following the thoughts and the writings of Mormon Feminists for several months. I've read blog posts, talked to members, listened to podcasts, read hundreds of conversations on twitter, and I've come to understand why they have what most people in the church think is a crazy goal. 

And I know no one asked for my take on the issue, but at least for myself, I feel the need to write it down.

[disclaimer: if you are not a member and/or don't care about this issue, you don't need to keep reading.]

This post reflects a lot of my feelings, as well as another blogger's thoughts on the matter, but her blog is private, so I can't share it with you.

I consider myself a feminist on a lot of issues. Should men and women have equal rights? Yes. Definitely. Should women be able to make as much as men in the workplace? Yes. Should women have the right to wear what they want and not be shamed for the straying thoughts of men? Yes. I believe strongly in all of those things. I also believe that women can be nurturing and incredibly strong and powerful simultaneously. To me, being a women takes strength and courage, something I've traveled a long road to obtain.

I also believe that members should be able to ask questions without feeling guilty. I think that we ask questions because of our faith, not in spite of it. We ask questions with the intent of expanding our knowledge and understanding, and if we had no faith, finding answers wouldn't matter. So I don't think Ordain Women, or Kate Kelly, or anyone involved with the campaign should be judged by us. That's not our place anyways. Not even a little bit. If they're making some horrible transgression in asking Heavenly Father for the Priesthood, that's not our decision to make.

But I don't support the ideas behind Ordain Women, and here is why:

I have nothing to prove.
I have nothing to prove to society, the Mormon church, the men in my life, God, or even to myself. I know that God sees me as equal to men in the world and in the church, and that has always been enough for me. Many Mormon feminists believe that woman's role in the church is unequal to man's. I feel no need to even argue that point, because this church, and my testimony of it, is enough for me.

Yes, there are accounts of women administering blessings in the Bible. The disciple Philip was told to have 4 priestess daughters. How amazing to hold God's power in your hands! And there are accounts in our church's history where major doctrine has been changed. I can only imagine that when African Americans finally received the Priesthood, the rest of the church thought it was insane. Probably about as insane as most people feel Ordain Women are right now. 

But I believe that when and if God chooses to make a huge doctrinal change, He will let us know through the words of the prophet. I know He hears our prayers, and I know He heard the prayers of the 150 men and women who waited outside at Temple Square Saturday night. But everything I've read from the group suggests that they want change in the doctrine, and they want it now. There is no plan to end the campaign any time soon. I don't think that it's in God's plan for women to hold the Priesthood, but if it were, it would definitely come in accordance with His timeline, not ours. And if He says no, are those men and women raising dialogue on the issue going to be open-hearted enough to receive such an answer? 

Men need women to enter the highest kingdom of glory in the life after this. They need our innate gentleness and nurturing and perspective. They need our ability to bear and care for children. And as our doctrine stands now, we need men just as much. We need the access to the Priesthood which they hold to get us to exaltation. Together men and women have the sacred power to create life. 

But if women had the Priesthood, what would we need men for? They still wouldn't have our divine feminine traits, but we would have everything it takes to reach exaltation. The sole purpose of men in God's plan would be to impregnate women, and after that we wouldn't need them anymore. We could bless our own babies, baptize our own children, administer blessings over our families when needed. I wouldn't need a Priesthood-holding son of God to do any of that. And that strips away the sheer foundation of our Heavenly Father's plan--eternal families reliant on each other for exaltation.

I'm okay with a lot of the questioning that has been going on in the church. I don't participate, but I understand it.
However, one thing that I am in no way okay with is people making rude comments directed towards our Priesthood leaders. I felt disappointed, sad, and physically ill seeing so many comments on twitter full of negativity about words that our apostles spoke. And these comments coming from members who raise their hand and sustain these leaders every year. From people who know that their words are not only true, but directly from God's own mouth. I saw one tweet that had me nearly in tears of sadness and anger, and I thought, "How dare you make fun of an apostle of God!" During a conference where the Prophet himself said it was the most inspired he had ever attended no less. I was--I am--appalled by that behavior from my brothers and sisters in Christ this weekend, and I truly don't see any excuse that makes it okay.
It has been told time and time again that as the world draws nearer to the Second Coming, it will only become harder to live as a faithful member of the true church. I'm not calling the people behind Ordain Women unfaithful, but I recognize that it may be becoming harder for some of them to trust in God's plan as days go on. It may be harder to accept that men get to exercise the Priesthood in a different way than women. It may be harder to remember that God has defined marriage as the union of a man and woman when there are lesbian, gay, and transgender people whom you know and love. That is hard for me. But the difficulty in following His plan is a sign of the times, and for me, I don't exercise my faith by standing in protest or picking apart the words of sustained apostles. I exercise my faith by reading my scriptures, praying, studying conference talks, and asking for the humility to accept my Father's plan. Some may call this blind faith. They may say I'm caught up in the patriarchy. They may think I'm a naive Mormon girl getting an education degree so I can never use it and spend the rest of my life making Pinterest-inspired crafts and perfect meals for my husband and babies. But they would be wrong.

I am a woman in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I don't hold the Priesthood. I have faith in my Father's plan. And that's enough for me.