january 1st.

(unrelated photo, but a great moment at the susquehannah river during my week in pennsylvania)

so there's this boy. (by my own rule i don't write about boys, but i am breaking that rule today.)
this boy has played a pretty big part in my life over the last year. bigger than probably anyone else realizes. but before you get excited....don't get too excited. because this post is not what you want it to be. this boy has only ever been a friend. but over the last year he somehow also became the standard for the kind of guy i want to be with someday.

 i heard an analogy about dating this summer that comes from the tv show community. there are two types of people in the analogy: january 1st people and january 21st people. the january 1st people are the people that inspire you to make resolutions and change for the better and set big goals for the new year, while the january 21st's are the people that make you feel comfortable and okay with yourself just as you are, after you've quit your new year's resolutions and gone back to your regular habits.

now, it's not bad to find a january 21st to be with. i've just always, always known that i wanted to be with a january 1st person. i want someone who makes me better. i've ended relationships that didn't include that in my past. 
and that's what this boy has been to me. january 1st. he's the kind of person that makes people better just through association. he's the kind of person that you can only use positive adjectives to describe. he's my january 1st.

and at the beginning of this last summer i decided i wanted to be a january 1st person too. not just in romantic relationships, but everywhere. i knew that if i ever wanted to be with this january 1st boy, or any boy like him, i had to live up to that standard. i had to deserve my january 1st by being a january 1st myself.

so i worked. i worked so hard, all summer long. i worked hard on my job and on myself. i wanted to be my very best. and not just for this boy, but for myself, and for my Heavenly Father. i knew from the very beginning of it all that the change in me would have to transcend my desire to deserve this boy, and become a purer desire to be more like Christ. even though i wanted this particular january 1st to like me, i knew that i had to be better for Him, not for him.

and i am. i am better. i became better. i molded and sculpted and change my heart through the only way possible--the Atonement of Christ. i studied and prayed and let myself be vulnerable to my Heavenly Father's will. i got closer to my Father than i ever had before. and i tried to do my very best in every task i took on. i ended the summer a different person than when i started.

and you know what? i never won over that january 1st boy. i never dated him, and chances are i never will. but he was still there over the last year being my january 1st. in fact, he probably always will be a little bit. and even though i never got him, i now feel like i deserve someone with as high a caliber as him. because of his example, and because of the Savior, i became the person that i deserve. and that's more than enough for me right now.