well folks, here it is! brought to you by me, sydney, brittney, ashley, hannah, and alyssa. 


+Okay so for starters, we’re passionately PO’d at Hulu for not offering this show to us right now. Who do they even think they are, and do they think that we wouldn’t find it illegally?
+Me: “IT’S HAPPENING!” Ashley: “Like…..should we start with a prayer?”
+Brittney has never seen this show and she is also the funniest person that I know, so I fully expect this season of commentary to be the funniest this blog has ever seen.
+“Wait! Do we get to watch this every day?!?!” –Brittney
+Brittney keeps switching into Spanish and then I lose it…
+New things we learned about JuPa in this intro—he likes fuchsia. 
+That’s all. That's all we learned. But like…..super important.
+Brittney’s not sure why there are shower cameras.
+SEANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!
+I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m breathing. I promise.
+I wish they’d brought Sean’s dad though…..
+We’re not sure how we listened to Sean talk for an entire season.
+“Why am I not on this show?! As the bachelorette?! I would have the hardest time making decisions. It would be so dramatic.” –Syd
+“You know, screw that, my real life is like the bachelorette.” –Guess who?
+We finally realized why the entire world loves JuPa. It’s solely because of the perfection of his scruff.
+CHRIS HARRISON!!!!!!!!!!!
+Okay, so Chelsie is a fangirl.
+Renee has a son! And a niiiiiice bikini bod. Dang girl.
+I’m not sure why I’m fangirling over Miss District Attorney right now, but I suddenly have the desire to go to law school?
+Crazy Girlfriend. GUYS. Was I right about her, or was I right?
+Baby!!! Two babies!!!
+I like Nurse Nikki. We all like Nurse Nikki.
+We all agree that Lauren is highly terrifying. Anyone else?
+We are surprised that it took us that long to get to a sob story though.
+The special needs brother is dancing and Brittney says, “Wait! That’s my dance move!”
+She was 20 when she opened that facility?
+“Welp. I’ve done nothing with my life.” –Alyssa
+I would pay big money to hear the stage cues given during these girls’ intros.
+The scruff is the reason America loves JuPa and he shaved?!
+Hi! I’m Cassandra. And these are my boobs. And I’m going to giggle like the 21 year old that I am and then scissor hug you!
+I don’t like Christy. #sorrynotsorry
+Brittney imitating JuPa’s accent is the best thing in the world.
+Whoa. We LIKE Nikki. We all screamed when she got out.
+Yikes. He likes her too!
+Scottsdale’s in the house!
+What is it with all these scissor hugs? This is not good for the lessons we’ve been giving Hannah.
+Okay, we like modest Brazilian chick.
+FREE SPIRIT IS HERE!!!!!!!!!
+This is the moment we have all been waiting for.
+She came barefoot so that she wouldn’t be taller than him. Because….flats don’t exist?
+We are so embarrassed for the chick who just BIKED up her piano. Like…what?
+If anyone needs an idea for Alyssa’s birthday, she’d like a piano bike. Just FYI.
+Chelsie. Stop talking.
+Also, I’m fairly certain that she got minor plastic surgery between her intro video and this first meeting.
+Vain cowgirl is wearing too much eyeshadow and also I think that she might be Courtney in disguise.
+Needless to say, I’m terrified right now.
+WHAT IS CLARE DOING?!?!?
+This is worse than Lindsay in a wedding dress.
+“You look gorgeous with that belly on.”
+DYING.
+Crazy girlfriend is wearing a tin foil dress.
+“That dress is squeezing her boobs, and not in a good way.” –Hannah
+Sydney thought she wasn’t going to watch this season, and now she’s actually taking notes on who we need to root for.
+I won’t say we told you so, Syd, but….
+South Carolina and 1st grade teacher are currently both in the running for most annoying voice.
+Alyssa’s been trying to determine how she would introduce herself since the show started and she decided she would just stand up with her body out of the car limo and yell before the car even stopped.
+Kylie is now going to be called Prom Bomb, because I refuse to let her use my name.
+Okay, so JuPa has officially gotten more screen time than he got in his entire time on Des’s season. We are not upset about this.
+Thankful to Syd for pointing out that even the walls are fuchsia.
+No man ever needs the amount of validation that these women are giving Juan Pablo right now.
+We are obsessed with Free Spirit.
+Totes called that dance party happening.
+Now is the portion of the show where we all drink. A LOT.
+FLIRTY PHYSICAL CONTACT.
+Nikki is a lot less appealing to us after she’s had a few drinks.
+“You’re very handsome.” –Free Spirit “I try…?” –JuPa
+There is a massage table!!!!!!!!!!! OH NO.
+She’s gonna make those uncomfortable sex noises again and we just can’t……..
+Her name is officially Moaning Myrtle.
+And just like that, Free Spirit is no longer the craziest person on this show.
+Promb Bomb looks a little bit too much like a character from Flushed Away for my liking.
+“It’s not just a rose, you know? It’s like, my future.”
+Somehow we haven’t heard that one before?
+I thought we had heard every possible metaphor, but we were wrong!
+Elise is now going to be Junk in the Trunk.
+I don’t think there has ever been a bigger group of fangirls on this show.
+Let me assure you ladies, don’t play the fangirl card. You have to suppress it. Trust me.
+Lauren is terrifying.
+TEARS. Tears are already happening.
+Alyssa, in a sing-song voice: “I love the crying!”
+Okay scary Lauren is not over her last relationship. She should not be here.
+Lyss is loving the candle maze behind them right now, and she just agreed to make one for me for my wedding. #score
+ Lauren has serious insecurities. She needs some time to herself to figure her life out.
+Okay, so like, I feel like not enough people are realizing how weird it is that this one chick found a picture of him and his daughter online and made it into a puzzle.
+We like Canada! And she is totally getting the first impression rose!
+But wait….she doesn’t like him?!
+WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!
+For reals, right now?
+This has never happened before.
+*Momentary pause to recognize the improvement in the background music this season*
+Sure? SURE?! Sure, you will have the rose?
+And WHY ARE YOU STILL CALLING HIM SIR?!?!?!
+So freakin’ confused right now.
+Free Spirit isn’t wearing any makeup, but it’s okay, because each of these other girls is wearing enough makeup to cover her too.
+I really hope Dog Lover doesn’t go home, because I just feel like we haven’t gotten enough explanation on that one yet.
+“Like, can I be a professional Pizza Lover?” -Lyssa
+"Is that girl still wearing cleats?” –Hannah
+On top of everything else, I think that Moaning Myrtle’s face is crooked.
+We’re using plural pronouns with the dog now? Really?
+“He’s definitely into Ethnic girls.” –Hannah “Why am I not on this show?” –Brittney
+ SO AWKWARD. SO AWKWARD. SO AWKWARD.
+ Prom Bomb is SO embarrassed right now, and she SO should be.
+We really like him saying “Victoria”. Mmmmm….
+ Christy? For reals?!
+ We do NOT like Christy/Barbie.
+ Producers made Free Spirit stay, and we are so thankful for them right now.
+ Amy? No.
+But we’re happy that Junk in the Trunk is gonna stick around.
+ “People don’t always feel you the way that you feel them.”
+ LITERALLY.
+But like, she could have had SO many nicknames, guys. Moaning Myrtle, Massage Therapist, Crooked Face, Squish Boobs.
+So many options. What a waste.
+ You’re gonna find it Lauren. And I know how heartbreak feels. But you have got to get over the last guy first.
+We are watching the montage for the season and Hannah is NOT crying.
+(She is, actually. So.)
+Dog Lover AND Free Spirit are in this for the long haul, and I am SO excited.
+This is the best drama reel I have ever seen.
+ The Bachelor: Fangirl Edition
+ I still miss Sean’s dad….
+Discussing it at the end and Brittney just whispers, “But wait….why do they have cameras in the showers?”

well guys, until next week! hope you enjoyed it, and leave your comments below!