hi guys. this might be the only post you get from me this week. i'm horribly sick and i have been for days, and the only reason i'm not on an airplane home right now is because i'm also broke. so the fact that this post exists at all is a miracle.
watching tonight we have me, alyssa, brittney, and hannah...
+Really wish Bex was here for this Korean episode.
+“There are too many blond fangirls this season. I can’t tell them apart.” –Alyssa
+Camilla whispers sweet nothings in JuPa’s ear and then the subtitles go up: “I have a wedgie.”
+Classy.
+I miss CH. I feel like he hasn’t been enough of a presence here this season.
+All these girls holding hands like they’re not all dating the same guy is cute.
+“Good thing One-Armed-Wonder isn’t on this season or she would’ve felt left out.” –Alyssa
+“Also, WHY didn’t we call her One-Armed Wonder last season?!”
+Stéfanie would LOVE this episode.
+Does Scottsdale have a real name? I don’t remember it.
+And who the heck is this girl reading the date card?
+I swear she wasn’t here until tonight.
+Cute Asian babies!!!!!!
K-Pop Group Date
+They are mispronouncing “Gangam” and it’s bugging me.
+Is Nikki aware that the Bachelor is a show where you have to go on group dates?
+I feel like she’s unaware of that fact.
+Modified #sweatcapris on JuPa.
+K-Pop is so cool.
+“Guys like…Korean SPICE GIRLS.” –Brittney
+“We should be taking notes for when we start our Spice Girls revival band.” –Alyssa
+Y’all didn’t know that was a thing, did you?
+We’re going to be famous.
+This date is my worst nightmare.
+I can’t even dance as well as Nikki.
+Why is Scottsdale getting all of the attention on the dancing date?
+Why not the, idk, professional dancer?
+We’re giving the PMS excuse to Nikki this week.
+Only one girl gets is per week, and she really lucked out this time.
+Calm down, Scottsdale. You are jumping out of the camera frame.
+“You are so ready to be a producer on this show.” –Alyssa
+“Oh no. Guys, I think I’m Scottsdale.” –Hannah
+LAWLZ.
+Their costumes look like a section out of Forever 21’s summer line.
+JuPa looks flamin’ in those pants.
+Cute Asian babies again!!!!
+^ Recurring motif in this episode. Calling it.
+Okay, I get the fear of dancing on stage. Because I have it. But I think Nikki is being a bit of a drama queen rn.
+Scottsdale is crazy confident.
+It’s getting rather annoying.
+DANIELLE IS WEARING MILEY NUBBINS.
+They’re at a Korean Furniture Museum?
+“Wow. It probably smells so great in there!” –Brittney
+What?
+Oh hi, Scottsdale.
+AND HI SCOTTSDALE’S BOOBS.
+All of a sudden Scottsdale terrifies me.
+What kind of animal does she look like?
+Some kind of snake, maybe?
+Award to the person who send me the best picture comparing Scottsdale to an animal.
+Does Danielle have a voice box?
+Oh wait!!! She’s talking!
+NO! Junk in the Trunk! Don’t be the tattle-tale girl!
+No one likes that girl!
+Ben’s season is a perfect example. Everyone tattled on Courtney, so he picked Courtney.
+IT NEVER WORKS.
+Bleh. Nikki is annoying.
+Ah man, we liked her too!
+Ah man, they are all hating that Nikki is getting this rose right now.
+Yikes.
+UH-SEPT.
+Every time.
Sharleen's One-On-One
+Why do they keep dressing JuPa in bright colored pants?
+It is not working for him.
+Okay, so Sharleen is weird.
+But gorgeous.
+Okay, I personally love that Sharleen is not just going to take a rose because JuPa offers it, but only if she really feels something there.
+Way to make your own life decisions, Opera Singer.
+Also love that she just told him he has a “smartass” side.
+“You are not bland.”
+What a great compliment.
+Oh look! Sharleen has feelings!
+Winning the coolest dress award again.
+Guys, like….she has a personality.
+What is it with JuPa and Sharleen’s forehead?
+Okay, that kiss was 100x better than their last one.
+Sharleen is SO different than any of the other girls.
+WAIT.
+GUYS.
+I like them together!
+She’s the only one who has actually asked him any personal questions.
+Uh oh.
+She doesn’t want kids?
+Yikes.
+Okay, but serious props for being so honest with him.
+WHY ARE ALL HUMANS NOT HONEST IN DATING?!?!
+I’m fine. I’m not bitter about anything happening in my life currently or in the recent past, I promise.
+Sharleen is dominating the Kiss Leaderboard right now.
Other Random Group Date That I Forgot The Theme Of
+It’s cool, Dog Lover. Pants weren’t required on this date anyways.
+JuPa totally went Blonds and Brunettes in these group date decisions.
+“It’s an orphanage!” –Brittney
+Or….karaoke?
+So close.
+“Dr. Fish Zone” sounds like I place I would never like to find myself ever.
+EWWWW.
+Guys, Dog Lover is totally making up for Free Spirit being gone.
+I hope she never leaves.
+Clare, like Nikki, does not understand that this is a show where you literally fight 20 different girls for the same guy.
+Dog Lover is my favorite.
+Like, if you’re all kissing the same person….don’t talk about it.
+Renee is so sweet!
+I think she deserves a one-on-one stat.
+Can we talk about JuPa’s sweater?
+It should not be a thing.
+That’s all.
+Good for him for not kissing every girl!
+5 bucks says he doesn’t follow his own rule tonight.
+WHY ARE THEY ALL TALKING ABOUT THE KISSING?!
+Piano biker might be crazy.
+Is she drunk?
+Please tell me she’s drunk.
+Oh my gosh, she is crying because he wouldn’t kiss her.
+This is gold.
+I love television.
+Dog Lover now looks and sounds like a dog.
+Clare is the oldest one there, but she might act like the youngest.
+Um okay, you are rearranging the ducks on this table, and it messing with the feng shui of this room.
+Here it goes.
+JuPa breaking his own rule.
+CALLED IT.
+Pillows being thrown at the TV.
+Yay! Andi will UH-SEPT the rose!
+Wow, Clare was pissed about that.
Asian Cocktail Party
Asian Cocktail Party
+“Fa, Mulan!” –Brittney, as they walk into this Asian palace thing.
+Renee is smokin’.
+Nikki, why are you dressed like a trashy hooker?
+“Not even a classy one. Just a normal one.” –Alyssa
+I want a full-on Nikki/Clare cat fight.
+Clare is really good at angrily pursing her lips.
+"Who said that?"
+“Science.”
+Classic answer.
+Dog Lover addressing the awkwardness of sitting in between Nikki and Clare is my favorite thing.
+Why are these girls wearing different outfits in their interviews and in the cocktail parties?
+As a producer, I would never let that oversight pass.
+^^^ Reasons The Bachelor Should Hire Me.
+Cassandra didn’t get enough air time this ep.
+“I’m so proud of Junk in the Trunk for smiling all the time.” –Hannah
+We loooooove Renee.
+Why is Danielle still UH-SEPTing roses?
+Alison?
+WHO EVEN IS ALISON?
+Oh em gosh, Nikki just got terrifying.
+Scottsdale, Junk in the Trunk, and Piano Biker are all left.
+Either way, we’re losing 2 really great nicknames this week.
+Junk in the Trunk is heading back to Forty Fort.
+Goodbye, unintelligent-sounding First Grade Teacher.
+We will not miss you.
+HOLY BOOBS.
+We will not miss those either.
+“I didn’t hear what she said! I was looking at her boobs!” –Not telling you who said this or she will kill me.
+Are they gonna make Lauren ride her piano bike home?
+Was not expecting Vietnam to be the “hot, gorgeous, and exotic” place they are going to.
+This JuPa K-Pop lip synch during the credits is EVERYTHING.
+Checked out the Kiss Leaderboard after the episode, and we think it's inaccurate.
goodnight, humans.
I was really hoping someone would catch the "Korea! I don't even have a kimono!!!" comment. I knew it was gonna be a face palm type of night as soon as I heard it. I was dying over the music of the entire episode; especially in the palace (not traditional Korean music at all).
ReplyDeleteLike, I wish I had known Korean just for this episode. I have a feeling it would have made it that much more hilarious.
DeleteI love to hate Nikki :) She has no filter. I know I would feel the same way being on a group date...hating every minute of it, feeling the need to compete for JuPa's attention and putting on a happy face even when all you want to do is cry--I love that she has no filter but wow was she a brat. I'm not sure why she was the one he chose to give the rose to during their group date--she obviously handled herself horribly during the group date and her general attitude about it was equally as horrible.
ReplyDeleteI agree that being on a group date like that would suck, but it always makes me laugh that they complain so much, because they have to know what they are getting themselves into!
DeleteI really enjoy reading your Bachelor thoughts because they sound similar to mine. Also, yeah I wasn't expecting Vietnam to be the next place they're visiting!
ReplyDeleteWish we could watch it together!
Deletesorry you're sicky! hope you get feeling better. i totally agree with everything..all of it.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm slowly getting better. :)
DeleteP.S. Just stalked your blog and you are adorable. The end.
Um yeah... NOT a coincidence that all of the blonde girls were on the k-pop date. Just in case you thought it was JuPa making all the date decisions.
ReplyDeleteI like reading your blog and watching these at the same time, thank you!! This way I can keep it a secret that I watch the bachelor :) :) and still get the witty commentary.
Haha I'm glad you enjoy it! The new episode commentary should be up tonight around midnight. ;)
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