five on friday: christmas movies

so a few days ago i found the most accurate buzzfeed list of all time. i can say that on pretty good authority because i have read a lot of buzzfeed lists. and i know that it is the most accurate because i also happen to know a lot about the topic it is on: christmas movies.

in the last few weeks of school, my roommates and i really took advantage of my netflix account and watched as many cheesy made-for-tv christmas movies as possible. in fact, i may have even spent a little bit too much time watching movies and not enough time studying for world religions. i regret nothing.

so today i'd like to review the last 5 christmas movies on my netflix viewing activity and tell you why you should quit reading blogs right now and put one (or all) of these on instead.

five made-for-tv christmas movies that will (maybe) change your life

1. holiday in handcuffs

guys like....melissa joan hart and mario lopez. that's enough, right? to get you to watch it? and the fact that the premise of this movie is that mjh (whose character's name is gertrude) literally kidnaps a guy at gunpoint and forces him to be her date home for the holidays. at gunpoint. and somehow they still fall in love. (see also: why kylie is single. because she doesn't own a gun.)

here's the thing: this movie looks like it is going to be the dumbest thing on the face of the planet, and then suddenly it changes your life for the better. trust me on this one. you should really watch it. even if all that gets you to push play is the prospect of  mjh's horrible perm alone. 

2. holiday engagement

this was the movie suggested to me on netflix (super proud of that fact) so of course we had to settle in and see what it was about. i mean, we knew what it was about. obviously you can tell that the main actress is going to pay someone to be her "fiance" for the holidays to ward off disapproval from her uptight parents. you can get all of that from the cover and the fact that it's a made-for-tv christmas movie. but i didn't look at the cover long enough to even realize that haylie duff was going to show up 22 minutes in, so there were all sorts of surprises up in there. 

honestly though, the movie was a letdown. i wanted it to be way better than it was. not the worst we've seen, but definitely not holiday in handcuffs stat. 

3. christmas cupid

i am going to lie to you right now and tell you that chad michael murray is enough to make this movie worth watching. except that he's not. chad michael murray is a lot of things in this world (see also: perfection) but he is definitely not enough to redeem christmas cupid. 

things that are wrong with this movie: 

a. everything besides cmm

b. ashley benson. whyyyyyyy?

c-z. everything besides cmm

i just....i don't understand why this movie was made? don't get me wrong, i appreciate a good stupid movie, but this one was just too much. at the end of the movie the classic workaholic protagonist somehow ends up even more selfish and without christmas cheer than at the beginning. the only good thing is that we get to see cmm's face a tiny bit (not nearly enough tnh) and ashley benson's ridiculous character (who is a ghost, obvi) finally decides to venture to the next life for good.

4. desperately seeking santa

oh, abc family. you've done it again. guys, get this: the premise of this movie is a workaholic woman (what?!?!  i have literally never heard of that character before!) wants to boost sales during the holiday, so she hires a "sexy santa". who is also known as vince, from what i like about you. and then.....what do you know, they gosh darn fall in love!!!

this one actually wasn't too bad. better than christmas cupid and holiday engagement for sure. maybe that's because of nick zano? i will say that they made his character way too perfect. i don't think they showed anything bad about him the whole movie, and that's just unrealistic. almost as unrealistic as a "sexy santa" campaign actually being effective in a family-friendly department store. i would also like to note that this movie definitely wins the award for the most made-for-tv christmas movie cliches, which is actually a pretty great award to win, if you ask me

5. 12 dates of christmas

this. this movie. so far 12 dates of christmas takes the cake. i mean, look how she tenderly pulls on his scarf from behind. can't you just tell that they were meant to love each other?! and truly, who doesn't love a good groundhog day-esque story line, huh? repeating the same day over and over and over and ov--you get the point. the idea is gold. 

yes, all the cliches are there. workaholic woman, kind and charitable new man, cold and bitter past man still somehow getting in the way, cute neighbor lady who makes bread, a mother's recent death still causing traumatic pain....but they're the kind of cliches we love to love, and somehow abc family makes them work in this one. please watch it. please love it. please feel the joy of christmas in your bosoms. 

WELP. 

the end.