Day 10: Making Peace with God

Today is the last day my blog is hosting the experiences of 10 different women through the BYU Women's Services and Resources Recapturing Beauty campaign. Go here or here to read more about the 10-day challenge, and enjoy the last post in this series.

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Day 10 is written by Caroline Bickley. Caroline Bickley is a friend who I met in high school and got close to through AP English. Caroline is a junior from Gilbert, AZ attending the University of Arizona in Tucson and studying English with a double minor in Education and Creative Writing. She's a member of Kappa Alpha Theta, and she loves Harry Potter, the Office, and lattes. 

            Hello hello Kylie’s blog! It is such an honor to be finishing up this wonderful 10 day challenge particularly with this topic.

            I’m going to be honest with you guys, my relationship with God has more ups and downs than a roller coaster. Now, this has nothing to do with my faith. Ever since about 8 years ago my faith has been my rock and been the very thing that keeps me steady. But in my opinion I think that my faith and my relationship with God are two different things. They coincide, yes. But they are indeed different.

            Anyways, the point of the whole philosophical sermon you just had the pleasure of reading is so I could say this: when Kylie sent out the list of challenges we could choose from I saw this one and jumped on it. At that point my relationship with God was rainbows and butterflies great. But as per usual, within the next few weeks I had another dip and by the time it came time for me to do the Making Peace with God challenge…..I’m gonna be honest with you guys again.....it was literally the very last thing that I wanted to do.

            I was mad, I mean like practically furious with God. Like if I listed all the reasons why we’d be here until next Christmas. I had a lot of contempt built up in my heart. But because of this challenge I knew that I couldn’t put it off and I knew that I needed to be proactive in finding a way to heal this problem…and boy, did I ever.

            At a camp I worked at this past summer I discovered this video. I had watched it once or twice and thought, “Alright, that’s a cool message.” So in my attempt at being proactive I decided to watch it again, and I am so glad I did. When she spoke the words ,“You tell me everything, You tell me about ME” I had to pause the video, grab my laptop and write this because I finally knew what I was going to say:

            You. Yes, YOU, in this very moment reading, scrolling, and staring at this screen are the single most awesome, precious, and fiercely beautiful person to have ever existed. You are marvelous just simply by being. And do you know how? Because you are KNOWN. And I mean really and truly and fascinatingly KNOWN by your God. He loves every single thing about you. Even the things that you don’t love. He loves you for the insecurities you face, He loves you through the pain you put yourself through, He loves you for the workouts you complete and the one’s that you skip, and He ESPECIALLY loves you during the times that you think you hate Him. He loves you, because he KNOWS you. Knows every single thing about you. And the best part about all of this is that He doesn’t love you despite everything He knows about you. He loves you because of everything he knows about you. And how Earth-movingly awesome is that?

            I watch this video pretty much every morning and I can honestly say my relationship with God is changed because of it. Now I’m sure there will come a time in the future, whether it be in a year or it be in the next 2 minutes, that my relationship with Him with go through another rough patch. Only this time I’ll remember that I am loved by God, because I am known.

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And that's a wrap! Thank you so much for everyone who read this series over the past 10 days, the 9 beautiful women who wrote about their experiences, and Ashleigh at BYU Women's Services and Resources for helping me make this happen. You all made my vision come true, and I can't wait to do it all over again next year. You are all beautiful!

If you're here in Provo and you completed the challenge, come on over to the Wilk Garden Court tomorrow night from 6-7pm for our closing ceremonies and Bollywood dance lessons! You can also pick up your free Beautiful t-shirt seen here each day for completing the challenge. I'd love to see you and meet you guys there, so come say hi and introduce yourselves!

If you're also blogging about the Body Image Challenge, we want to see it! Add your post below and link back to this one so we can all share this experience together!

Day 9: Making Peace with your Body

From November 4th-13th my blog is hosting the experiences of 10 different women through the BYU Women's Services and Resources Recapturing Beauty campaign. Go here or here to read more about the 10-day challenge.

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Day 9 is written by my friend Rebekah Westrup! Bekah is in my ward this year, and she is the best visiting teacher ever. Literally. She has brought me dinner at least 3 times in the last month, because she is the most giving person on the planet, I think. Bekah is a BYU senior from Sacramento, CA studying art history with a women's studies minor. She is a quarter-Swiss and loves all things Korean, which is where she served her mission.

I don’t know when I started hating my body. But it was sometime this summer when I spoke the words out loud to my roommate.

“I hate my body right now,” I said to her as we drove home from the gym. I couched it in terms of the present, but the reality is that negative body image is something I’ve fought hard against for a long time.

Since I started college in 2007, I’ve gone from a size 18 to an 8. Today’s waist size measures in at a 12. The ironic thing is that the initial weight loss my freshman and sophomore years wasn’t even conscious, it was just the lifestyle change that came with college.

This new round of body hatred has sprung, in part, from my health problems on my mission. One hip surgery I had on my mission and one shortly after I came home, combined with steroids and other medications resulted in my old sedentary lifestyle coming back to haunt my present. I have hated the inactivity, but more than that, I’ve hated how my clothes fit, and the way I look in pictures. We hear all these stories about Marilyn Monroe, the ultimate sex symbol, being a size 12 at the height of her fame. But those stories don’t seem to help much when I’m buying my pants in the plus size section at Forever 21.

Before you can tell me about how unhealthy this attitude is, don’t worry. I already know. And I’ve tried painstaking ways to fix it long before this challenge started. How does one make peace with one’s body?

A couple of weeks ago, I was reading a poem for class, and two lines blinked out from the page at me like distant stars winking to get your attention in the night sky: “Body serenely built, for a life that afterwards wrecks itself.” And later in the poem: “If only I could hold you in the mirror, absent and mute to all other companions.” I was absolutely struck in that moment with a lightning bolt of knowledge. October was domestic violence awareness month, and I’d been caught up in volunteering for BYU’s WSR’s domestic violence awareness campaign; which was all very well and good. But how could I fight for other women’s bodies, when I was fighting so hard against my own? Like the poem and our doctrine preaches, my body is a sacred thing. But I’ve let it wreck itself as I've forgotten the miracle of it's movement and development. I’ve let companions of self-doubt and loathing join me in the mirror. Making peace with our bodies means letting these things go.

It means forgetting how big my hips are and remembering that they are a miracle instead. It means remembering I almost lost the right one after my first surgery. It means that I need to remember that every painful step I take this week is much less painful than the steps I took last week, or the week before. Slowly but surely, my body is healing itself after painful surgeries. And for that reason, I can't let this miraculous body of mine go to waste. I have to use it.

Instead of hating my hips and the fact that they’re not the androgynous size I would like them to be, I’ve tried to love them, accentuate them, remember where they came from. These hips are my grandmother’s hips. Her hips were strong hips, hips that survived WWII, four children, and a career as a nurse. They did so many things. And my hands, they are not ugly and skeletal as my own judgment likes to suggest sometimes. They are my great-grandmother’s hands, as my own relatives have said countless times. "You have Granny's hands," they've told me. And they are the hands of a woman who rose from the hopeless life of the depressed dust-bowl in Texas. She had hands that led the blind, cooked food for her family, and always did what was right. Her hands DID things, proving that my hands have the power to do things as well. And my nose! I don’t know where my nose comes from. But it’s not a skinny Halloween-ish witch’s nose. It’s my nose. It’s the nose of a woman who follows her passions, even if it gets her into trouble. It's a nose that works; that gets to smell cookies, and fall, and cement after it rains.

To make peace with our bodies, we must look in the mirror, and forget what we don’t have and instead remember that what we see came at great sacrifice and with a heritage more divine than we can comprehend. That the movements and shapes it takes are an astoundingly beautiful creation. To make peace with our bodies, I think we have to learn the stories of the women that came before us, the things that they did, the way their bodies moved. Because when we see the miraculous in them, we'll see the miraculous in ourselves in the mirror; and we will be at peace.

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Tomorrow's Challenge: Making Peace with God

We want to hear about your experiences as well!
Tweet or Instagram with the hashtag #RecapturingBeauty about your journey over the next 10 days! You can follow @wsrbyu on Instagram and @byuwsr on Twitter, or me at @kylieinthesky on both. 

If you're also blogging about the Body Image Challenge, we want to see it! Add your post below and link back to this one so we can all share this experience together!

Day 8: Making Peace with your Genes

From November 4th-13th my blog is hosting the experiences of 10 different women through the BYU Women's Services and Resources Recapturing Beauty campaign. Go here or here to read more about the 10-day challenge.

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Day 8 is written by my roommate Sydney Wise! Sydney was in my ward freshman year, and we got close because of Women's Chorus. This year we decided to live together, and it was a great decision! Sydney is a junior from Caldwell, ID studying public health here at BYU. She has 4 sisters, loves all kinds of music and dance, and does the best Miranda Sings impression I've ever seen.

When I first read through each of the 10 challenges, this one totally jumped out at me.  Here's why... I'm a Carr, and I suffer from the Carr curse.  Starting with my great-grandma Isabel, all of the women in my family have rather shapely, solid, and large buns and thighs, which we affectionately call the "Carr Legs".  Each of my four sisters, my cousins, my aunts, and my grandma all have these legs and there's really no avoiding it.

Here's the problem: my legs bother me.  I hate that when I buy pants, I have to buy them large enough to fit my thighs and butt (which makes them way to big in the waist).  I hate that I feel self-conscious in skinny jeans and leggings.  And I hate that most dancers have beautifully straight legs for nice lines, but mine are curvy.  

So for me today was all about making peace with my Carr legs.  Here's what my goals were for today:

Don't compare my legs with others

Don't put myself down when I looked in the mirror

Wear my skinny jeans 

Walk confidently

Do a leg workout

Today's challenge was not an easy task. I didn't just suddenly feel great about myself and my legs; I totally understand that it's hard to just "accept" physical attributes that you don't particularly like. But today I learned that making peace means shifting my focus. I know that I will never have stick skinny legs...I'm just not built that way and its ok. Peace for me came when I stopped obsessing over something that I don't have.

Part of the challenge was to research the history your particular trait, so I called my mom and asked her to tell me about my Great Grandma Isabel (Izzy), the lady who's legs I inherited.  She was more than happy to provide many stories. Grandma was a rockstar of a woman! She was very adventurous and loved hiking, snowmobiling, water skiing, and camping.  She was doing all of these things well into her 70s! My great-grandma was seriously cool. Looking at her life made me realize that the things I remember about her have nothing to do with her size or legs.  I only remember a sweet lady who loved to have fun and loved her family.  She did amazing things with those legs and so can I!  Her legacy is one of adventure and love and that's something that I'm proud to be part of. 

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Tomorrow's Challenge: Making Peace with your Body

We want to hear about your experiences as well!
Tweet or Instagram with the hashtag #RecapturingBeauty about your journey over the next 10 days! You can follow @wsrbyu on Instagram and @byuwsr on Twitter, or me at @kylieinthesky on both. 

If you're also blogging about the Body Image Challenge, we want to see it! Add your post below and link back to this one so we can all share this experience together!

Day 7: Making Peace with Clothes

From November 4th-13th my blog is hosting the experiences of 10 different women through the BYU Women's Services and Resources Recapturing Beauty campaign. Go here or here to read more about the 10-day challenge.

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Day 7 is written by Kelli Ricks! Kelli sat in front of me in Women's Chorus freshman year, and I quickly developed a secret, but strong lady crush on her. This year we got to become real life friends, and I am so grateful for that! Kelli is a junior from Puyallyp, WA finishing up her generals at BYU and transferring to UofU to study musicology next fall. Kelli loves ice cream and red lipstick, and hates the word 'rural'. 

Like for reals obsessed with this girl.

Hellooooo! I am so excited to be featured on Kylie’s blog today!

Let’s get down to business, shall we?

When Kylie sent out the list of challenge topics, I was the first one to respond, and I jumped all over this one.

I think that it might surprise a lot of people that I chose the topic of “Making peace with your clothes.”

I’m pretty well-known for some of the crazy things I wear. I don’t really lack confidence in that area. I mean, hello, overalls and Heidi hair. I’ve always been very comfortable wearing things that I feel really express myself.

So why did I choose this day?

Sure, I have no problem wearing MC Hammer pants in public. But I do have a huge problem with wearing clothes that I’m afraid will not flatter my figure.

Real talk: I have a big butt.

I would like to thank my mother for that. And her mom. And her mom’s mom.  And most likely her mom’s mom’s mom.

Throughout high school I would probably hear at least once a day, “She got a donk.”

…And that’s not an exaggeration. Those words literally came out of people’s mouths.

 I started to be really self-conscious about it. As in, I started hardly ever wearing pants and just rocked a skirt or dress every day. I still do this. And I can’t remember the last time I wore a regular outfit without wearing spandex underneath. How ridiculous is this? More often than not, I will go through the inconvenience of shaving, being cold, looking over-dressed, etc. before I give in and decide to wear a pair of jeans.

I have no problem having someone tell me, “your pants remind me of Aladdin,” or “Hey, princess Leia wants her hair back.” No problem at all.

But as soon as someone says something about my hips looking big in those jeans, game over. And they go in the back of the drawer.

So for my challenge day, I faced an article of clothing that had been sitting in my closet for over a year that I had worn a grand total of two times: the dreaded maxi skirt.

As a short girl with big hips, this has been my worst nightmare. I love high-waisted skirts because they accentuate my small waist and draw attention away from those bad boys.

But a maxi skirt? The exact opposite effect. However, I wanted to commit to this challenge, dang it! So I put it on, and rocked it the rest of the day.

Sure, I think I look bigger than I would with my favorite dresses. But you know what? That skirt is cute, and it’s comfortable, and everyone loved it. I loved it. I loved it because it gave me the courage to confront my self-consciousness and realize how ridiculous I was being.

If you want to wear something, wear it! Don’t let anyone’s opinions of what you look like keep you from expressing your style, including your own opinions. Embrace your curves. Embrace your angles. Embrace your desire to wear what you really want to wear, not just what you think you’re supposed to wear.

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Tomorrow's Challenge: Making Peace with your Genes

We want to hear about your experiences as well!
Tweet or Instagram with the hashtag #RecapturingBeauty about your journey over the next 10 days! You can follow @wsrbyu on Instagram and @byuwsr on Twitter, or me at @kylieinthesky on both. 

If you're also blogging about the Body Image Challenge, we want to see it! Add your post below and link back to this one so we can all share this experience together!

Day 6: Making Peace with Food

From November 4th-13th my blog is hosting the experiences of 10 different women through the BYU Women's Services and Resources Recapturing Beauty campaign. Go here or here to read more about the 10-day challenge.

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Day 6 is written by my roommate Stéfanie Morris! Stéfanie and I were practically roommates freshman year, and we've actually lived together ever since. She's from Quebec and Calgary, Canada, and she's a junior studying anthropology at BYU. Stéf loves Korean dramas, India, and Thai food, and drinking cold water makes her hyper. 

Out of the ten challenges, Day 6: Food, would not have been my first choice. I have never really considered that food might be a factor in my issues with body image. But this challenge ended up being perfect for me! So here it is: my experience with making peace with food.

Let me give you a little context about me. I have a passion for food. I love cooking for people and I love being cooked for. I am always looking forward to the next time I can eat. Seriously! Some of my addictions include peanut butter, ramen zucchini soup (I tell myself the zucchinis make up for the lack of nutrition in ramen), nachos (on a stressful day), and graham crackers (like… a whole sleeve of them ). Sometimes, my passion for food is healthy, and sometimes it is an addiction I know I need to curb. 

I strongly believe that food is one of the great things in life. It brings people together, it tastes amazing and obviously, it keeps us alive. Though I try to eat healthy I also really believe that once in a while you need to treat yourself. Once in a while you really should just have a girl’s night and eat as much pizza and peanut butter M&Ms as you want. And sometimes you really should eat the delicious ice cream cake your roommate makes because she is an angel sent from above. 

So I don’t think avoiding food is the answer if you worry about you body image. I’ve tried it before and it never lasts. What I realized as I took the challenge to make peace with food is that maybe I should change my perspective on eating. Heavenly Father designed us to need food. That is a fact. Why would he do that? Here is the number one reason I thought of— I’m sure there are many more. 

Heavenly Father gave us food as a blessing.

I really believe this is true. Food is always spoken of as a blessing in the scriptures! When the wicked rebel against God they are punished by famine. When God’s people are on the right track they are blessed with sustenance; with lands of honey and pomegranates, with manna, with loaves and fishes. So it must mean that food is good! It is good to enjoy it and to make it part of your life. But in moderation—like everything else. I feel good about my body when I know I am eating well and eating what I want but not going over the top. I feel good about my body when I eat enough to make me feel good. That means something different for every one of us. You know what it feels like when your eating habits feel good. Your body tells you if it is being fed right. And if that means that you aren’t perfectly skinny that is okay! Personally I am always self-conscious of having fat. Even that word makes me cringe. But I’m writing it anyways because its true. It’s normal to have some. It’s even healthy to have some. Even when I eat right I still have fat. That’s just how my body is. I shouldn’t compare myself to anyone else. You too! Don’t do it to yourself. No one's body acts exactly the same way.  

One last thing— the challenge to think about my food—to take time to eat, without distractions— was one of the hardest, most beneficial parts of this challenge for me! I usually read or take a break and watch a TV show while I eat when I get home at night. You know how the scriptures say, “Feast upon the words of Christ”? (2 Nephi 32:3) Well, I realized that I need more time to think about my Savior, about my life, about the blessings I have, and about my purpose. And taking the time to eat and to sit there is HEALTHY because it gives me time to do this. I could take my food back to my room, plug my headphones in and eat (which is my usual routine)—or I could think about the words of Christ, my life purpose, or talk with my roommates for the same amount of time.

Remembering my purpose as a daughter of God and opening myself up to others is one of the best ways to combat any issues with body image. If we really understand who we are and think of others more than we think about ourselves then we will learn to love in a way that leaves no more room for hating our bodies. 

I’m going to work on that. I love my body because it IS me. It isn’t something I’m ever going to get to throw away. I’m not just the spirit that lives in it. So I should learn to love it. And blaming food isn’t ever going to be the solution for loving my body. Food is a blessing, so I’m going to think about it like that from now on. 

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Tomorrow's Challenge: Making Peace with your Clothes

We want to hear about your experiences as well!
Tweet or Instagram with the hashtag #RecapturingBeauty about your journey over the next 10 days! You can follow @wsrbyu on Instagram and @byuwsr on Twitter, or me at @kylieinthesky on both. 

If you're also blogging about the Body Image Challenge, we want to see it! Add your post below and link back to this one so we can all share this experience together!

Day 5: Making Peace with Exercise

From November 4th-13th my blog is hosting the experiences of 10 different women through the BYU Women's Services and Resources Recapturing Beauty campaign. Go here or here to read more about the 10-day challenge.

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Day 5 is written by my friend Jaimei Zhang! Jaimei is my best friend from high school, and my future teammate on the Amazing Race (Summer 2015, fingers crossed). She's a junior at the University of Washington studying biochemistry with plans for med school in the not-so-distant future. Jaimei loves all things Pixar, the band fun., Disneyland, and moose tracks ice cream. 

Hello beautiful readers! As a long time reader of Kylie’s blog, I am stoked to be making my blogging debut here as a guest poster for this 10-day challenge. Today’s challenge is making peace with exercise, so to fulfill this, I laced up my running shoes after I got home from school and went out for a nice jog in the fall sun (shout-out to Seattle weather for giving us sunshine instead of rain today!).

Now, I will admit that this challenge wasn’t as hard for me as it might be for some because as of late, I have been running regularly in preparation for my second ½ marathon of this year. However, I think that getting to the point I am at right now emulates what today’s challenge is all about.  

I ran cross country and track in high school, but when college hit, I didn’t make running a priority anymore. Toward the end of my freshman year, I decided that I wanted to get back into my old running routine and train for a half marathon, but I was a little hesitant. 13.1 miles is daunting – I was nowhere near the shape I was in high school and did I really have time to fit running into my already hectic schedule?

Newsflash: Life’s busy, but if you want to make time for something, you can always find a way. I was determined to complete a half, so I signed up for the Seattle Rock ‘n Roll, made a training plan, and got to running. It was a little rough getting back into shape, but taking the time to run a few days a week was empowering – I felt healthy and productive, I got a short reprise from my hectic class and work schedule, and I was finally doing something for me.

Training can get a little monotonous which is why I’m always more motivated with a race to look forward to. The rock ‘n roll did not disappoint; the race was incredible (well, except for the hill at mile 13…). Not only did it feel great to complete a half marathon, but it was so cool to see the 20,000 people who were running with me. Though each person was running or walking at his or her own pace, we were united in our goal of crossing the finish line. I always love watching everybody finish, no matter how fast or how slow, with the same look of pride and accomplishment (mixed with a little fatigue and sweat).

Sometimes we forget that the purpose of exercise is to keep our bodies healthy and happy and instead we let it become a burden, another task to check off of our already long to-do lists. Exercise shouldn’t be something you dread, but rather an activity that brings you joy. For me, this comes through running, but whatever it is for you, do so with confidence and pride that you are taking time to care for yourself and your body. The human body is a truly amazing system and exercising is just another way of bringing out the beauty of it. 

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Tomorrow's Challenge: Making Peace with Food

We want to hear about your experiences as well!
Tweet or Instagram with the hashtag #RecapturingBeauty about your journey over the next 10 days! You can follow @wsrbyu on Instagram and @byuwsr on Twitter, or me at @kylieinthesky on both. 

If you're also blogging about the Body Image Challenge, we want to see it! Add your post below and link back to this one so we can all share this experience together!

Day 4: Making Peace with your Weight

From November 4th-13th my blog is hosting the experiences of 10 different women through the BYU Women's Services and Resources Recapturing Beauty campaign. Go here or here to read more about the 10-day challenge.

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Day 4 is written by my roommate Brittney Frehner! Brittney was in my ward freshman year and is now one of my roommates. Brittney is from Draper, UT, and a junior at BYU studying human development. She's our resident Colombian, and she keeps us all entertained by being the funniest human we know, singing in the shower, and saying everything in different accents. 

So… body weight. It is or has been an issue, probably for everybody regardless of size and regardless of whether you’re conscious about it or not. Today’s challenge was great for me because I have never been content with my weight. Growing up, through my early teenage years especially, I was just a little bit on the chunkier side. I personally never thought about my weight until other people would bring it up. One person started to call me names like “hippo” and I would be told by adults that I needed to lose weight if I wanted boys to like me or if I wanted to be pretty when I got older. Coming from adults, these comments really dug deep inside of me. These comments truly hurt me.

Because of these comments I started comparing myself to those around me; my cousins, my friends, and my classmates. And I did notice that most of the girls my age were pretty thin. But I still kind of never really cared. I didn’t want to look like them. I wanted to be me. I kept thinking that if I could only lose a couple pounds that people would stop comparing me to my thinner cousins and to my friends. So, I told myself that I would start to exercise! (Because that’s what skinny people do, right?)

Yeah, no. That didn’t work. My body was definitely NOT made for running long periods of time or for any extreme activities, aka regular exercise. I would get short of breath and get painful cramps on my sides within minutes!! I loved playing sports, so I would do that with friends, but other than that, I basically gave up on 
 exercising.

As I got older, and grew taller (to a whopping 5 feet, 4.5 inches), my body thinned out a little bit. Yes, I could still lose a little weight, but honestly, I am happy the way I am and how my body is. I know what I need to do to take care of myself and more importantly I know who I am and I love me. I don’t want to be like anybody else, I want to be me. Who cares what other people think or say, it is not their place to judge. As for men, I want to find someone who loves me for me, all 155 pounds and all. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and that no matter what comes my way, whether it be 10 more pounds or 10 attractive men, I will love it regardless of what others think.

My advice to all the females in the world: You are unique. You need to know and own your beauty. Do not waste a single minute wishing you were anything different than what you are. You were made to be you. Love your body. Love your uniqueness. Love YOU.  Love your beauty!

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Tomorrow's Challenge: Making Peace with Exercise

We want to hear about your experiences as well!
Tweet or Instagram with the hashtag #RecapturingBeauty about your journey over the next 10 days! You can follow @wsrbyu on Instagram and @byuwsr on Twitter, or me at @kylieinthesky on both. Or leave a comment on this blog post!

If you're also blogging about the Body Image Challenge, we want to see it! Add your post below and link back to this one so we can all share this experience together!

Day 3: Making Peace with your Face

From November 4th-13th my blog is hosting the experiences of 10 different women through the BYU Women's Services and Resources Recapturing Beauty campaign. Go here or here to read more about the 10-day challenge.

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Kylie here! You guys hear from me all the time, but just some basics in case you're new (and welcome!)....I'm Gilbert, AZ born and raised, and a junior at BYU studying Elementary Education. I love cooking, my roommates, Christmas, and scifi novels. 

I chose to do Day 3: Making Peace with your Face, because I knew it would be the hardest for me, and I was feeling brave at the time. If I'm being honest though, posting this makeup-less picture of me a little later in the post is still a little bit scary. 

I've always been insecure about my skin. I've always had acne, and no product that I've used has cleared my skin without making it excessively dry at the same time. Even when I don't have a lot of zits, my skin is unclear and marked from acne scars. My makeup routine isn't very intense, and it really only takes about 5-10 minutes every morning to complete, but it always, always, always includes a layer of foundation cream to even out my complexion. Every day, without fail.

On the day of this challenge I went to work and school with no makeup up on, and instead of hiding behind glasses, a ponytail, and sweatshirt like I wanted to, I decided to try rocking an outfit that I would on any other day. No hiding allowed. I was apprehensive at first. I didn't feel like talking to new people. I didn't feel as outgoing with the people I helped at work. When guys in my office talked to me, I thought, "No point in flirting with them, because I don't look good today anyways." 

And then somewhere in the middle of the day, I forgot about the challenge. I had a lot going on in the day, and I simply forgot I wasn't wearing makeup. I forgot that there was something making this day different than any other. And that's when I realized, make-up or not, I still felt like me. I didn't look the way I normally would have. I had visible acne on my cheeks and neck, and my eyebrows probably looked a little uneven without me filling them in. My eyes were lighter, and the bags under them more apparent. But when I got so busy with my day that I forgot about the differences, I suddenly regained my normal energy and happiness, and I came back to myself. 

That's when it clicked with me that whether people look at me and think, "Wow, she didn't take any time getting ready this morning," or "She's beautiful," doesn't make a difference in who I am. Wearing make-up isn't bad. I'm definitely going to keep wearing it every day. But I like this philosophy I heard a long time ago:



Our relationship with makeup shouldn't be about covering anything up, it should be about accenting the things we love about our face. And even though not wearing makeup today might make you feel a little naked, a little more vulnerable, and, at first, a little bit less like yourself, I challenge you to let go of that safety blanket and quit hiding. Because, "Maybe it's NOT Maybelline. Maybe you were just born with it." (Mandy Hale.) And you are you, no matter how little makeup you're wearing. 

100% make-up free. And that smile is real too.

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Tomorrow's Challenge: Making Peace with your Weight.

We want to hear about your experiences as well!
Tweet or Instagram with the hashtag #RecapturingBeauty about your journey over the next 10 days! You can follow @wsrbyu on Instagram and @byuwsr on Twitter, or me at @kylieinthesky on both. Or leave a comment on this blog post!

If you're also blogging about the Body Image Challenge, we want to see it! Add your post below and link back to this one so we can all share this experience together!

Day 2: Make Peace with your Hair

From November 4th-13th my blog is hosting the experiences of 10 different women through the BYU Women's Services and Resources Recapturing Beauty campaign. Go here or here to read more about the 10-day challenge.

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Day 2 is written by my friend from freshman year Tinesha Zandamela! Tinesha is a junior from Washington State studying Sociology and French and planning to go to Law school after her under-grad. Tinesha is also a feminist activist, and she loves the Pacific Northwest, cheeseburgers, foreign films, and ballet.

When I chose “Making Peace with Your Hair”, I knew it was going to be hard. My relationship with my hair has always been a love-hate affair.

Growing up, all my friends had straight hair. My mother had straight hair. All of my favorite celebrities—Hilary Duff, Raven Symone, Mariah Carey, Britney Spears—had straight or slightly wavy hair. Magazines gave hair tips that I couldn’t make work because my hair was too curly. I envied those who had straight hair. My friends suggested I straighten my hair, and I did. I wanted to be pretty, and straight hair seemed to be part of being beautiful. Five hours later, my hair was fairly straight. Not as straight as my friends’, though. I was disappointed. I kept straightening my hair throughout early high school, using an iron (yes, an actual iron!), feeling disappointed that my hair would never be as beautiful as everyone else’s. I started pulling my hair back, never wearing it out because I was embarrassed about how big and curly it was.

In the past couple of months, I started to wear my hair out all the time. I have embraced my hair because I think having curls is unique and really fun.

And now you’re wondering why I said the challenge was going to be hard, right? I decided to go all natural, that is sans hair products for the entire day. Yeah, I’ve been embracing my hair and wearing it out. But I always always always put product in it to make sure it doesn’t get frizzy or too wild. I’m scared of the way people might perceive me if it’s out of control. Will I look lazy? Will I still be attractive?

Here are my hair products, which cost more than $100 in total value. Just for…hair!

This day, I didn’t wear hair products. And nothing happened—which is good. That means my life still went on. I still got an A on my test, and I still went to meetings and took notes, I still was a good friend when someone called me to vent, and I still ate and exercised. My hair isn’t a representative of who I am. India Arie explains how I felt in her song “I Am Not my Hair”:

Does the way I wear my hair make me a better person?

Does the way I wear my hair make me a better friend?

Does the way I wear my hair determine my integrity?

The answer to all three: no, no, and no. I’m still the same. She continues in the song singing—which I was listening to as I took the picture below:

I am not my hair

I am not this skin

I am a soul that lives within.

Do I love my hair now? Yes. I can rock my hair however I want. (I wore it all natural again today!) My hair is beautiful. I am beautiful. But my hair doesn’t determine my worth. I never thought I’d say this, but I love my curly hair. It makes me stand out. It’s become a part of my daily wardrobe. I like to have fun with it and I have realized I don’t always need hair products to show that.

But more than my hair, I love the person that I am, and the person I am becoming. 

 

Yes, I love my hair. But I am not my hair.

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Tomorrow's Challenge: Making Peace with your Face

We want to hear about your experiences as well!
Tweet or Instagram with the hashtag #RecapturingBeauty about your journey over the next 10 days! You can follow @wsrbyu on Instagram and @byuwsr on Twitter, or me at @kylieinthesky on both. Or leave a comment on this blog post.

If you're also blogging about the Body Image Challenge, we want to see it! Add your post below and link back to this one so we can all share this experience together!

Day 1: Make Peace with the Mirror

From November 4th-13th my blog is hosting the experiences of 10 different women through the BYU Women's Services and Resources Recapturing Beauty campaign. Go here or here to read more about the 10-day challenge.

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Day 1 is written by my roommate Ashley Mendoza! Ashley and I met at EFY this summer and became friends immediately. She's from Independence, MO and a huge KU Jayhawks fan. She's a junior applying for the advertising program at BYU next semester and she believes that a bad day can be made better with the right perfume.

I chose to do Challenge 1: Make Peace with the Mirror. 

My roommates and I covered our mirror with post-its of uplifting and complimentary phrases. They ranged from “Date that, marry that,” and “You shine like the light from the sun,” to “You are a daughter of god,” and “Your beauty is priceless.” In Utah my face does a pretty good job of not breaking out, but ironically that day a nice little beauty creeped up right in between my eyebrows. This zit was huge and the kind that was not going anywhere anytime soon. Because we were doing the challenge, I told myself I couldn’t be critical of my face or body (in this case specifically my face). This was hard as I obviously had something to be pretty critical about. I did not realize how critical I was of myself until this experience. 

So to counteract this, I told myself aside from the compliments on the mirror, I had to give myself one genuine compliment every time I looked at the mirror. I learned something very significant. Mirrors are not just for us to look at our physical beauty. Throughout the challenge I was able to look at myself and ask: who am I? What things have I accomplished? How have I grown? What are my goals and plans for the future?

 As I asked myself these things I realized how much more meaning looking in the mirror had. It was like taking a personal inventory every time! It’s not like a personal inventory of how many pink or blue shirts I have (which are a lot), but something that carries more weight. It isn’t about how many zits I had on my face or whether I had a couple hairs gone astray that needed to be plucked from my eyebrows. One of my favorite quotes are, “When you look in the mirror do you see who God sees?” I think this is what I got out of it. It wasn’t about beauty inside or outside anymore, but more of the bigger picture: who I am and who I am going to become.

I challenge everyone to take their own personal inventory when they look at the mirror. What attributes do you have that you like about yourself? How have you grown? What goals and plans are YOU making for your future?

When you look in the mirror, be confident. Find confidence that there is a God who loves you unconditionally. Find confidence that YOU have a purpose. Find confidence that YOU are beautiful.

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Tomorrow's Challenge: Making Peace with your Hair

We want to hear about your experiences as well!
Tweet or Instagram with the hashtag #RecapturingBeauty about your journey over the next 10 days! You can follow @wsrbyu on Instagram and @byuwsr on Twitter, or me at @kylieinthesky on both. Or leave a comment on this blog post.

If you're also blogging about the Body Image Challenge, we want to see it! Add your post below and link back to this one so we can all share this experience together!